First time sex
Well, this could be the most exciting and frightening thing that you face in your life - the first time you have sex with your girlfriend. Suddenly your penis isn't just for a quick wank or peeing through - it's now part of being a sexually active man. How do you know what to do? Here is a typical teenage email:
"I'm 16 and so is my girl. We've been talking about having sex for some time, and now we want to do it. But we're both virgins and I have no idea what to do! HELP!"
You might be worried that you simply don't know what to do. You might think you're going to be humiliated by ejaculating too quickly. You might be terrified that you've no idea what your girlfriend's pussy is going to look like, let alone how to get your penis in there! And just how do you use a condom? And as for positions...well, how the heck can you choose a sex position when you've never had sex?!!
All of these are very reasonable concerns, but you can deal with each of them.
Every man or teenager faces this moment - it's something we all have to go through on the route to manhood, but it can actually be quite fun if you're prepared. So here is The-penis.com's guide to good first time sex.....
First of all, some general advice.
First, don't do this if you don't feel ready for it. Sex can be awful if you - or she - is just doing it because you think you should, or because you feel pressured into it. You'll know if it's right for you. For one thing, you'll be relaxed about it, and you'll be able to talk to her about it. If you're not feeling ready, you don't have to go through with it!
But if you are going to have sex, don't pretend you're an expert lover if you're not. This will just make things worse. Instead, talk to her - tell her you're new at this and a bit nervous. Ask her how much experience she's had, unless you already know she's a virgin. If she knows more about sex than you do, ask her to help you. There's no shame in this! On the other hand, if sex is new to you both, then you might just have to take the lead.....
The key is to talk about it with your girl. Tell her it's your first time. Is it her first time too? If she's had sex before, you're lucky, because she can help you (e.g. you could say "I'm not quite sure where I put my penis, but we could have fun finding out if you show me what to do!"). There's no point pretending you are an experienced lover if you aren't!
So, if you haven't had sex before, you're in a loving relationship - ok, you might just be good friends - and you're both sure the time is right to do it, here are some ideas about first time sex.
Start by talking about it. Sex is about as intimate as you can get with someone, but many people are often too embarrassed to talk about it. If you can't talk openly, then maybe you need to rethink your plans.
As a man, no matter how important having sex for the first time may seem, just remember there's nothing lower than using it to get the approval of your friends - so if you're thinking of spreading the word when you've done it, think again. That's the action of a rat! Don't betray her trust. (That goes for her too, of course - there's no way she should be talking about what you did in bed, or the size of your penis, once you've had sex. Unless she's telling everyone you have a massive cock. No, really, that's a joke.)
Now, are you are both sure you want to go the whole way? There are alternatives - mutual masturbation and oral sex are often just as satisfying, for example. Will you be able to do it in a loving way in a place where you'll feel safe and comfortable? Take it from me, the back seat of an RV, SUV, jeep, car or truck isn't a great place for first time sex. The best is a nice warm bed. Preferably one where you can spend the night together afterwards. (Or at least few hours if it's daytime.)
Are you under the legal age for sex? If you are, does it matter to you? Do you want to have sex before marriage - in other words, are there any religious or family reasons not to have sex? And lastly - have you planned contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases? Have you got your condoms ready?
Next, what you need to know depends on what you've already done together. It's great if you've masturbated each other (that's what used to be called "heavy petting"!). In that case, she'll know what your penis looks like, and you'll know what her pussy looks like. You might even know where her clitoris is. Hopefully.
If you've enjoyed cunnilingus (that's what it's called when you lick her pussy) or fellatio (that's when she takes your penis into her mouth), so much the better - you've both had a close up view of the necessary organs. If you haven't, have a look at Vulvavelvet.org to get some idea of what a vulva looks like and where her clitoris is to be found. BTW, the vulva is the external part of her sex organs; I suppose what we call a pussy can mean either her vulva or her vagina. Her clitoris is the external bit of her sexual parts that gives her pleasure, and which will bring her to orgasm if you know how to play with it.
Onwards and upwards....
So, let's assume that you've answered all those questions, and you're going ahead with one of the most exciting and scary things you've ever done.
Well, first of all, don't panic. You know when you're sexually aroused, for sure - you get an erection when you kiss and cuddle. What you may not know is that when she gets aroused her vagina (pussy, if you prefer) gets moist and wet - that's the female equivalent of your hard-on, your hard penis. Her wetness lubricates the movement of your penis in her vagina after you've entered her.
What you may not know is that when a woman's sexually aroused, she'll want you to put your penis in her vagina - just as much as you want to put it in there. But she may take longer to get aroused than you do, so you need to spend some time kissing and cuddling first. Stroking her back, breasts and legs and telling her how attractive you find her (and telling her you love her - if you really do) will all help in getting her aroused and ready for sex. So will giving her cunnilingus. BTW, telling her you love her, when you don't, just to get sex is another rat's trick. So you won't do that, I'm sure.
Remember, the way you behave now can show how much of a man you really are. After all, you can't pregnant. Nor do you lose your virginity in the same way that she does. When she has sex for the first time, she gives her body to you in an act of complete trust. Sometimes she'll have a thin membrane across her vaginal opening which is broken as your penis penetrates her. She may even bleed a little. This is a potent symbol of the way she's letting you into her body, the way she's letting you take her virginity. It's different for a man....
So, to get you started, here is a good website to look at together. Although it's aimed at women, it's great for first time men as well. Scarleteen - the first time
Getting it together
When you're planning to have sex, an hour or two spent cuddling and kissing, gently touching each other in a loving way, is a good way to relax and get ready for the big moment.
Before you actually have intercourse (meaning sex in which you put your penis in her vagina) you can give her an orgasm by playing with her clitoris and vulva with your fingers or mouth. You can also gently put your finger inside her vagina. All this will be very exciting, so it'll probably turn you on, but it has another advantage as well - when you finally put your penis inside her, you'll actually know where it goes! A bit of research beforehand will make you feel much more confident when you get down to it!
But be sure to respect any signs that she's uncomfortable with what you're doing. To really want sex, a woman must feel aroused and emotionally close to her man. Remember that a woman doesn't always know how she'll feel about sex until she's in it. Disappointing as it may be for you, if she says she wants to stop at any time, you'd better do so. Talking about what's happened may help, but if she's changed her mind, and she doesn't want to go all the way - that's it, pal. You gotta stop. Have a wank instead.
But if things go well, you'll both be excited and ready to make love, and of course there's still the hurdle of that first penetration to get over. Preferably, you'll both be naked, intimate, aroused, and in a comfortable setting together. When you think the time is right to try putting your penis inside her, you can say something like "I'd love to be inside you, I'm so excited about making love to you." This helps make it special for her as well as you.
At this stage, the most important thing to remember is that you need some effective contraception. There are too many unwanted babies in the world already. Don't add another. And in case you don't know already, your precome can contain sperm. This means you risk getting her pregnant even if you just put your penis in her and pull it out before you ejaculate. So don't try that!
Instead, be ready, have your condoms at hand. You'll already have practiced putting them on and wanking with them so you know how to get one on and what it feels like. If you are both virgins, and she's on the pill, then you might decide not to use a condom. But if either of you has had sex with another person or if you don't have any other method of birth control - YOU MUST USE A CONDOM!
USE A CONDOM IF SHE ISN'T ON THE PILL OR IF YOU ARE UNSURE OF EACH OTHER'S SEXUAL HISTORY!
The easiest sex position for your first time is where she lies on her back, and you support yourself over her, while facing her. This way you can kiss and hold each other, though you'll have to support your weight on your arms to some extent.
When you get ready to enter her, ask her to guide your penis (with or without condom) into her with her hand. Like I said before, this may be easier if you have spent some time gently playing with her vagina and vulva beforehand, so that you actually know where to put your penis.
If it is also the first time for her, please remember that
first time penetration will involve some degree of pain and most likely blood
for her! Her vagina will simply be not used to extending itself to accommodate a
penis. Also, most likely, you will tear her hymen probably the first time of entering her (though if no blood comes, then she might have torn the hymen
already while doing sports). You might want to be sure she has an old towel
underneath her hips, just in case you don't want to leave bloodstains behind.
Please be sensitive to her pain and feelings. She might want you to stop,
because of the pain, even if she has agreed to make love beforehand. If this happens,
STOP! Just like you, she has the right at any time to change her mind without
fearing negative consequences. If she wants you to stop, then this has nothing
to do with her abilities as a lover, but more with her body needing to adjust to
this new experience. By stopping you will give her a break and make sure you successfully
continue your relationship together. And most girls will go for it,
probably the next time, despite some degree of discomfort.
If you do enter her, and it's comfortable for both of you, you will find that moving your hips back and forth to move your penis in and out of her vagina is easy, instinctive and natural. It's also very exciting - so much so that you may very well ejaculate quite soon after you enter her. Don't worry, this is normal, and not something to be upset about. You'll get better as you get more experience.
Another nice idea is to wait a few minutes after you've ejaculated and then try having sex again. If you do, make sure you use another condom.
All in all, the happiness of the experience is mostly down to you being relaxed and happy with each other. Most likely your first time won't feel as good as you hoped for, but you need to expect that. Great sex will come later! What is most important is that you like being together and feel no regret, shame or embarrassment about the experience. Most of all, enjoy yourself.
And enjoy the sense of pride in your masculinity that will follow your first time. You'll soon know how good it is to be a man!
Problems that can happen...
Most young men are fairly quick to ejaculate when they make love for the first time, and indeed for the first part of their love life, rapid climax is likely to be the biggest concern for most men. But there are a number of men who have a different problem, known as delayed ejaculation, and these men, oddly enough, find it difficult to reach the point of ejaculation during sex. Although this may sound like a dream, it can in fact be very distressing for both the man and the woman. since sex continues without reaching its natural conclusion. The woman may become sore, irritable and wonder if she excites the man, while he may feel like a failure. (It is true some women are able to orgasm multiple times when their man is able to thrust without reaching orgasm too quickly. But this seems to be the minority of couples, and for most, delayed ejaculation is a pain in the ass! If you want to know how to treat delayed ejaculation, there is plenty of information on the link above.)
Men think the most unappealing aspect of sex for women is the man ejaculating too soon (whatever that means) during sex, in other words, having premature ejaculation, commonly defined by a man attaining climax in less than two or three minutes after lovemaking commences. Unfortunately, very often lovers find themselves unable to talk about premature ejaculation, which adds to the difficulties.
The good news is that a man who wishes to control his ejaculation can easily learn to please his partner in bed. Certainly a large percentage of men feel a great deal of shame and guilt about PE, most likely because they are anxious to please their woman sexually. Maybe this is simply because women can be left hanging, unsatisfied, after short-lived sex. This, together with the common male belief that most women will reach orgasm if sexual intercourse goes on for long enough, tends to mean that quick ejaculators would often really like to avoid premature ejaculation and know how to give a woman an orgasm.
As for what most women really think about premature ejaculation, well, it's far less challenging for them than the majority of men think. But it's still difficult for both partners. For the man, ejaculating too quickly can a feeling of sexual shame and lack of sexual self-confidence. For a woman, the absence of desirable masculine dominance which follows on from premature ejaculation may mean she cannot get the maximum sexual pleasure during lovemaking. Sometimes a man husband does not know how he can overcome premature ejaculation because his climax is upon him so quickly and he has no time to work out what to do to delay it. For a premature ejaculation treatment to be effective, a man must be able to apply it before sex begins, so he is prepared with strategies to enable him to last longer in bed; moreover, it should be very easy to adapt the system to his particular needs; and thirdly, when passion and high sexual arousal speed him to ejaculation with little time for control, the system needs to be one that both the man and his lover can use with complete determination and focus to help delay his ejaculation.
Safe sex isn't just about avoiding disease. It's about having sex where you feel safe, physically, emotionally and practically. You need to know what sexual behavior is safe, and what's not. Here are some good safe sex links.
Safer sex does not just entail wearing a condom, but also includes keeping clean, knowing what (and who) to avoid, and making the right decisions.
High quality material that will keep you safe from illness and sexually transmitted diseases.
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