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Penile Pleasuring - By Her For Him

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Penile massage

Among the techniques discussed by Margot Anand in her book on The Art Of Sexual Ecstasy, there are some wonderful penile pleasuring exercises, all of which are designed to be used by a woman on her partner. Because they involve the exchange of love energy at the heart level, they are best practiced between long-term partners, although casual lovers can practice them,  provided they respect and trust each other.

The purpose of the exercises is to bring a whole new spectrum of pleasure to the man, and to raise his sexual energy by bringing him close to ejaculation before backing off and letting that energy disperse through his body.

In addition, for long term couples, this is a new opportunity to bring fresh excitement into the relationship, and to vary the routine of sexual pleasure which may have been established over a long period of time. And because the pleasure that is received from these exercises is not dependent on a full erection, the exercises are extremely suitable for men who are in their fifties, sixties and seventies.

However, the exercises depend on the man being able to switch off and be receptive to the penis massage which his partner is offering him. At the same time, he must be able to ask for what he wishes, so that his partner is not in control, though she is the source of his pleasure. In other words, the woman assumes a position of equality to the man, her role perhaps being different from what she normally offers in intimate contact within a couple, but just as important to the process.

The woman's massage of the man's penis is facilitated by the use of high quality oil, not water based lube which may dry out too quickly. Since one intention of the exercises is to extend and increase the man's orgasmic energy, he needs to have a clear way of indicating that he is near ejaculation, so that his partner can stop stimulating his penis. A simple code like "stop now" will suffice.

The woman sets the scene by wearing sexy, attractive clothing, by creating a sensuous atmosphere replete with male symbols such as male sculptures, phallic symbols (perhaps a peacock feather or two?), drums (or whatever he respects as a masculine artifact), low level lighting, candles, and so on. The idea is that since this is essentially an honoring of the man, his penis, and his male energy, the atmosphere should not be feminine. 

The man cleans himself in the shower or bath, then joins his partner in the space which has now been created. They establish an intimate connection by synchronized breathing, perhaps lying on their sides, his chest to her back, breathing in synchrony and harmonizing their chakras. 

They move into the next stage of the penile pleasuring exercises by gazing into each other's eyes, as they exchange heart energy and she anoints his pubic mound with some special oil. She invokes his pleasure by touching his penis, heart and third eye gently with oil and saying something along the lines of "May your orgasm expand your vision, may our hearts merge in love and trust." 

The man lies down on his back in comfort, perhaps among a pile of cushions arranged for him by his partner. She positions herself comfortably alongside him so that she has access to his penis, testicles and other parts of his genital region. The best position for her is to sit between his legs, close to his penis, shifting as necessary to ensure that she remains comfortable. 

To ensure continued synchrony between the couple, she may continue to breath in and out at the same rhythm as her partner. She massages her partner's chest, his sacrum area, and then cups his testicles in her hands, while she touches his perineum with the tip of her middle finger. She presses the flat of her hand against his penis, and places her other hand on her partner's heart region. She can gaze into his eyes, sending love and attention to his being. 

By the way, before we get into the specifics of how this helps a man gain greater erotic arousal, it's worth pointing out that this is all about increasing physical arousal in the body. And that is exactly the kind of sexual stimulation a man needs after he has experienced the inevitable downturn in his sexual power and stamina after midlife. In other words, these are ideal techniques for a couple who are sexual after fifty years of age or thereabouts.

When the man indicates he is ready, his partner begins to massage his penis by using a variety of strokes which may include:

1) Caressing upwards from his balls to the tip of his penis, with the flat of her hand, alternating strokes with her left palm and right palm. As soon as one hand reaches the tip of his penis, the other begins its upward stroke from balls to glans, with his penis lying flat against his belly. She should use plenty of oil as she massages his penis in this way. The man will feel a great deal of pleasure as the flat of his partner's hand passes over his frenulum.

2) While holding the base of her partner's penis with one hand, the woman strokes upwards from base to glans with her other hand wrapped around the shaft.

3) The woman can place her hands one on each side of the man's penile shaft, with palms facing each other, then press them inwards and rub them back and forth as if trying to start a fire by rubbing a stick. This obviously needs to be done at a pressure and speed with which her partner is comfortable. She should start at the base of his penis and work up to the head of his penis before moving back down again to the base of his shaft.

4) She can stroke her man's glans through his foreskin, if he is uncircumcised, stimulating the glans through his foreskin until he is aroused, at which point she can gently pull back the foreskin and directly stimulate the glans, lightly massaging it with lots of lubricant. 

Pleasant though all this may be, the man will need more stimulation to build his progress towards orgasm - or, at least, towards his first sexual peak. Once again, his partner can liberally oil the shaft of his penis with high quality massage oil, before holding the base of his penis with one hand and then surrounding the shaft with the fingers and thumb of the other hand, then stroking up and down the shaft. This, of course, mirrors what most men do during masturbation, and since it mimics the thrusting motion of the penis in the vagina, is likely to be very arousing for him. 

The woman can continue her stroke up and over the glans of her partner's penis, or she can alternate between stroking the glans and stroking the shaft and glans together. And if she can press on her partner's frenulum as she massages his penis, it will give him extra pleasure. Now, of course, she isn't doing this in a vacuum - her partner needs to be giving her as much feedback on what feels pleasant and what he wants less of, so she can moderate her strokes and focus on the movements which he most enjoys.

Some men like a quick, steady and strong stroke, while others prefer a light, fluttering touch: what is best for each man will rapidly become clear as he expresses his increasing arousal with moans of pleasure. But in this receptive mode, where he has relinquished the pleasure of massaging his own penis, he may take longer to experience mounting sexual pleasure than he would if he were masturbating. 

Since the way men masturbate is not necessarily much like the way women masturbate, he must provide accurate feedback to his partner so she can understand what he wants and needs. She also needs to have confidence in her ability to please him, and in her ability to deliver the kind of rapid, strong strokes to his penis which he may require to get aroused. 

If at any time during this exercise, the man feels that his penis is becoming a little insensitive, the couple should stop penile massage and have the woman massage his chest, spreading his energy up and through his body, but especially towards his heart. After a few minutes, when his penis is resensitized, the penile massage can continue, with perhaps more variation in the movements: tickling the frenulum, caressing the head, and teasing the shaft. 

As the man begins to move towards the peak of his arousal, the stimulation offered by his partner needs to increase, to help him ascend to the peak of his arousal. However, the idea is to stop before he tips over into ejaculation. Initially his partner now focuses on building up the pace of her movements, while he focuses on the sensations in his penis. He may thrust his hips so he feels what she is doing all the more clearly. He may pump his pubococcygeus muscle, squeezing the muscles around his perineum and anus in short sharp bursts. 

When the symptoms of an impending ejaculation begin to develop, his partner will stop stimulating his penis. These signals of impending ejaculation are:

  • The man's back arches
  • His thighs and stomach muscles begin to tense
  • His testicles move closer to his body
  • His breathing becomes either faster or slower
  • His penis head becomes darker in color
  • His penis goes very hard and becomes even more engorged with blood
  • His penis feels alive and energized
  • There may be a lot of pre-ejaculatory fluid emitted from his urethral meatus

This is the time for the man to tell his partner to stop or slow down her stimulation, using the code they agreed upon earlier. All stimulation stops for ten to fifteen seconds, while she presses into his perineum with the index and middle finger of one hand, holding his penis with the other hand. This helps to prevent his ejaculation. When his desire to ejaculate has passed, the woman begins to stimulate his penis again, repeating this pattern between three and six times over the next twenty to thirty minutes.