The Effects Of Premature Ejaculation On Men

The Effect On The Couple

To recap:

But Just How Can A Man Learn To Stop Premature Ejaculation?

You may well be asking some questions: What does it mean that "you have no control over your ejaculation"? How could you ever have control over your ejaculation? Isn't it an involuntary process, one that we simply we can't control?

Also, most men don't realize that the longer foreplay and intercourse lasts, the more powerful will be the resulting orgasm, so there is a very strong case for extending the duration of sexual activity even if it doesn't involve full penetration and intercourse for more than a couple of minutes at the end.

Some questions & answers from our readers

Question: I'm 19 and have only recently started having problems with premature ejaculation.

I've been having sex for the past 5 years and only recently stopped using condoms with my most recent girl. I have never had a problem with coming too quickly until now and don't know what to do.

Sometimes I am able to last for 20 minutes or so but most of the time it between 30 seconds and 3 minutes. Is there anything I can do? I feel bad for my girlfriend when I come so quickly.

Answer 1: You said you only recently stopped using condoms and that's most likely your problem.

My boyfriend can't last as long without a condom because he's too sensitive. This is most likely your problem, so my only advice is to wear a condom.

You can also do Kegels. It's an exercise for the muscle that makes you ejaculate. Basically when you go pee, start and stop twenty or thirty times and you'll be doing the exercise.

The theory is you clench the muscle as you become too aroused and it will reduce your arousal and slow you down. [Editor's note - it works as an excellent way of controlling premature ejaculation.]

Answer 2: I'm the first guy my girl has slept with so her vagina is quite tight.

At the start of our sexual relationship I had a hard time controlling myself and had premature ejaculation all the time, which of course wasn't her fault at all!

We have since overcome this problem and I can control myself a lot better.

The only problem we still seem to have is in the classic doggy style position (which we both love).

As most people know this puts a lot of friction on your penis and although we love this position we can't really do it as I ejaculate far too quickly again.

We have come up with a great way to overcome this. Instead of the girl being on all fours and the guy on his knees entering from behind try having the girl lie on her side (slightly turned face down, but only slightly) and the guy lying behind her and lifting up the leg of the girl which is furthest from the bed or surface you're on.

Then if the guy then moves his chest away from the girl's back it gives you a great feeling and gives you the situation of doggy style without the huge amount of friction which leads to a quick ejaculation!

[Editor's note: controlling premature ejaculation is always easier in sex positions where the man does not experience lots of pressure on his penis - such as woman on top or side by side sex.

See www.unlimitedstayingpower.com for more information about how and why man on top sex positions are a cause of quick ejaculation.....and how side by side positions can help stop this problem.]

Question: I was hoping you could give me some advice. Every time I have sex with my girlfriend it is over within 30 seconds of me entering her.

4 I had the same problem up until I reached 30. For me I think it was a confidence thing. I was so concerned about pleasing my wife that I was obsessed by how to prevent premature ejaculation. She became my coach and taught me to relax and not worry.

Soon I believed her and over a short period of time my issues were gone. It got to the point where I was outlasting her and I had to learn how to sense her orgasms.

Hers were not always obvious, but in time I learned. It is amazing what a learning experience marriage is year after year.

PE does appear to be something that gets better as you get older, although I do also believe that being able to relax has a whole lot to do with it.

I also think you have to really be able to recognize when you first feel your climax building up. A lot of times you can stop it before it really gets going, thus training your body to naturally relax over some time.

Question: I have heard that breathing correctly can slow down one's ejaculation. How do I do this?

Answer 1:Breathe very slowly and deeply during sex. Each time you breathe out, relax. Allow your tension to slip away. Another thing that you might find helpful is to use loads of lube so that her vagina is very, very slippery.

You will get much less friction, much less stimulation, to your penis this way, and you will find that you can thrust for much longer before you ejaculate.

Also, I have found that squeezing the head of my penis between my finger and thumb can stop my ejaculation. But it is actually quite uncomfortable to do this, so I don't recommend it.

Another method to stop premature ejaculation that I have tried is to put a rubber band like the ones used by guys with diabetes who need help to keep up their erection around the base of my penis and testicles.

This keeps the semen from flowing freely and keeps me hard after I have come.

But for goodness' sake guys, don't tie it too tight or leave it on too long. Also, I wonder if Viagra is any use here? If it keeps you hard after you have come, wouldn't that be a way to go on thrusting until she comes, even if you have ejaculated already?

Question: I have only been married a short time and premature ejaculation is ruining my sex life.

I ejaculate after two minutes of entering her. I need help to end this quickly.

Answer 1: Yes, I can empathize with this problem. I am a guy with the same ejaculation problems. I get it under control then I relax my attention and wham! before I know it, I'm coming too soon again.

The answer for me is to be constantly aware of what my body is doing. It takes away from the spontaneity of lovemaking a bit, but it works, and since I want to make my partner happy, I think it's important to regulate ejaculatory delay.

Now, I wait until I am on the verge of orgasm, then I pull out of her vagina. If she is very aroused at this point, I will keep a finger in there to keep her G spot stimulated.

I must admit she doesn't like this as much as my penis, but if I am to have any chance of lasting, I need to do this. When I am relaxed, and the level of my sexual arousal has gone down, I reinsert my penis into her vagina and begin thrusting again.

I can usually last for two or three minutes before I need to pull out again. I have also found that lots and lots of sex helps. I think it makes the whole thing more normal, less exciting, so the stimulus to ejaculate in her is much lower.

Another thing that works for me is to focus on something outside myself - so kissing her breasts, stroking her belly, whatever, but doing it with full concentration.

I am not sure how this works, but my guess is that it takes my attention away from my own level of arousal and puts the focus on something other than my ejaculation.

Answer 2: Masturbating before sex should help, but then so should making sure she has an orgasm before you enter her.

Answer 3: Have sex more often. Do it again thirty minutes after the first time. Use loads of lube, including your own semen in her vagina the second time around, The lack of friction will help you last longer. Enjoy making love in the woman on top sex position.

She can control the depth and speed of thrusting, while your hip movements are much more restricted, and not being able to thrust will prolong your excitement and delay shooting your load.

She can also ride you in a way that allows her to position you both for her best experience. Stop when you feel you're about to climax.