Mature Masculinity

A lot of difficulties between men and women stems from the fact that communication between the sexes can be quite poor.

Nowhere is this more true than in the area of sexuality. If you want intense hot sex, if you want your lover to look forward to loving you, you will have to know a few sexual techniques. You will also have to know a few emotional and communication techniques.

One of the things that men don't understand about women is their constant need for reassurance in all areas. So, for example, when it comes to sex, a lot of women want to be absolutely certain that a man wants to be with her for the sake of who she is, not just so that he can get laid. In other words, a woman needs to be certain that man wants to make love to her in particular, not just to any woman.

And of course going along with this is the fact that a woman would never want to see romance, affection and tenderness as being just a means to have sex. Even when a couple have established all of these things, are actually in bed together, a man needs to know how to engage in good foreplay, because so many men think that foreplay is just a distraction from the main event.

In actual fact, of course, foreplay is extremely necessary for most women, and if they don't get it than they may not be very enthusiastic about going to bed with you in the future.

That foreplay isn't just for the woman is a fact: foreplay increases how much pleasure a man gets in bed as well. It's easy and extremely arousing and extremely exciting to be around a man who is skilful in bed.... but man who forgets to engage in foreplay loses the chance of extremely good sex, and since it's easy, it's fun, and the best way of pleasing woman in bed, why would you not do it?

Well, the answer to that is that men like to be goal oriented, and when they have a woman in bed, the goal is often orgasm and ejaculation. So you need to calm your male urge to fuck, and find a way of enjoying intimacy, touching and caressing as a part of making love that will please both her and you.

Many men actually seem to want to avoid using condoms: this is absolutely foolish.

Even though stupidity rules when you're aroused & excited, having sex with a partner who you don't know, without a condom, can literally be absolutely fatal. And you can't tell from looking at a woman or talking to her whether or not a woman is going to have HIV or any other kind of STI - the simple fact of the matter is that you cannot trust people when they tell you their sexual history, and once you go to bed with someone, you're effectively going to bed with their entire sexual history.

So any excuse about not using condoms just doesn't cut it when it comes to having enjoyable safe sex. So let's assume that you're turned on, she's turned on as well, and you decide the time has come to put your penis in her vagina, thrust and ejaculate: at some point, she's probably going to turn on you with an attitude that suggest you're a selfish bastard.

You may not understand what the problem was, but the truth is that you were only thinking of your own pleasure. Had you not been, you would have taken time to satisfy her, to show her that making love to her was more than just about inserting your penis into her vagina, thrusting and ejaculating.

It's a common belief amongst men that because they can come so easily from intercourse that women should be able to do so as well. But as you may or may not know, the number of women who can come from sex alone is extremely low, and even the ones who can will certainly need foreplay in a romantic and tender way to loosen up and get the juices flowing.

Women who can't come from intercourse alone will need to have some kind of foreplay, oral sex, perhaps, or masturbation, to make them come. And what you may not realize is that even before you get round to the genitals, you should be caressing a woman all over, kissing, nuzzling, and exciting her whole body. It's been said that a woman's biggest sexual organ is the skin, which I disagree with, because I think a woman's biggest sexual orgasm is her mind, but nonetheless you get the point.

And if you're the quiet, strong, silent type, then you need to learn how to say what you're thinking, or, if you're not thinking it, you need to learn how to think it and then say it!

I'm referring to the remarks that will turn a woman on: I love to hold you, you feel so good, I love your body, being with you is the best thing ever, see you naked makes me so hot ... and so on.

And while on the subject of complimentary words, don't forget to reassure her about the pleasant aroma and delightful sight of her genitals, about which many women feel particularly insecure.

The message behind all of this is that the best kind of foreplay is the kind of foreplay that is given to a woman with the intention of making her feel good, not with the intention of making her orgasm, not with the intention of making your sexual route to coming easier....and quicker!

In any event why would you want to have sex with woman who wasn't fully aroused and into the act? Wouldn't that make you some kind of misogynistic creep who only wants to stuff his penis inside a woman? Why would you be like that? Selfishness?

Or maybe to express anger in response to the kind of insults and wounds that you feel women have abused you with? I think a better solution if this were the case would be to get some good therapy, because anything that takes you into intercourse with anything other than an open heart is diminishing both you and the woman you're with.

So there are many aspects of foreplay: you can have foreplay any time, anywhere, and you don't even have to be in the same room together -- for example you can have foreplay over the phone, with notes left in drawers and clothing, by e-mail, by casually and intimately touching her in public.

Other things that will signal to her how you're excited about the prospect of having sex with her include calling her at work and and giving her a secret clue about what you'd like to do later. Or you can have a signal that only you and she understand, but which indicates the pleasures to come that evening. You can read poetry to each other, or you can go for a walk hand-in-hand. You can buy her gifts or little presents unexpectedly. You can anticipate sex by building it up without even being sexual.

And then when you are together, you can kiss, looking deeply into her eyes and establishing a connection with her so that she can see your desire for her. You can actually let her feel your soul by looking at her in a certain way, way that tells her how you could rip her soul apart with desire. She'll get the message, so why not try that out next time you're with her?

Many women like to be kissed all over the body, and although everyone is different, that will give you the opportunity to find out the particular stimulation that your partner likes. This is a journey of discovery, in which you can savor every part of her body, finally settling on her breasts and her lips with deeper kisses, stroking her face and hair, perhaps, and holding her face as you kiss it. And the art of light, fingertips touching can go along with the gentle kissing and caressing of her body - to turn her on more than you can possibly imagine.

And then as you get more intimate, you can undress her slowly, you can encourage her to do the same to you, or you can do a sensual striptease for each other. You can give her a foot massage, making love to her feet: this will relax her, and get in the mood for the delights of intercourse as you both give way to your desires. Don't forget to save the hotspots - breasts and genitals - until last... enjoy giving her caresses and kisses all over her body, perhaps gently rubbing and tickling her arms and legs, paying attention to her belly which can often be very sensuous. And if you do this with candles, romantic music, and soft lights, you'll find that she moves into a place where sex becomes highly enjoyable for both of you.

You can also dry hump her, kissing her passionately while gyrating the lower half of your body against her, letting her feel how turned on you are. In fact you could devote an entire evening to foreplay, taking a shower together, sipping wine together, touching every part of each other's bodies as you get naked. The sensual opportunities for you in making love to your partner can make you feel closer than intercourse, and to be able to master these techniques and apply them sensitively and skillfully so that a woman becomes extremely aroused, is the mark of a mature male lover, a man who doesn't just regard his penis as the only sexual tool that he has available to him.