How To Make Your Sex Life Even Better

A New Classification Of Premature Ejaculation

The Female Orgasm

Another important aspect of premature ejaculation is the way that it can actually cause a man to lose his confidence sexually, so that every time he ejaculates quickly, before he or his partner wishes him to do so, it decreases his confidence further and makes him feel more anxious about the same thing happening next time he has sex.

Because he's worrying about it, he's increasing the level of arousal in his nervous system, which to his body and nervous system feels just like sexual arousal, and so inevitably the next time he has sex he does indeed ejaculate more quickly. In this way, early ejaculation can become something that he expects and fears, serving as a trigger for internal critical self talk, which can eat away at a man's self confidence and sense of masculinity.

And of course, the more he worries about it, the more performance pressure he'll feel as well, which doesn't help either.

Premature ejaculation has been categorized in various ways, but one system of classification is due to Derek Polonsky. This first category he devised was what he called "simple".

This is the simplest and easiest type of PE to deal with – all a man needs to enjoy better control during lovemaking is some training in sexual techniques and some sexual coaching.

In general, this kind of premature ejaculation is just due to inexperience, and it tends to disappear as a man becomes more sexually experienced and confident in his abilities. And as he becomes more experienced, he can enjoy more complex forms fof sexual pleasure with a woman!

Polonsky's second category of premature ejaculation was what he called "simple plus relational". In other words, in many cases, in a relationship between a man and a woman, PE can be a problem, but the partners will be willing to look at the problem together and help each other to get through the techniques necessary for the man to learn ejaculation control.

It's important to realize that because PE is rarely a sexual dysfunction involving only the man, both partners must take some responsibility for the changes that are needed to eradicate ejaculatory dysfunction from the relationship.

The most common kind of co-operation necessary is open and honest communication about sex, and also practicing with new sexual techniques; the woman may have to accept that she can be responsible for her own orgasm, or perhaps she may need to deal with whatever sexual issues she may have repressed. In short, the man is no longer expected to take responsibility for her sexuality as well as his own.

Polonsky's third category was what he called "complicated". As you might expect, this means that a man has deep psychological issues with sex, or possibly with women, that are affecting his sexual ability, and making him ejaculate quickly.

The simplest way of looking at this is to think of sex as something that he feels guilt, or shame, or perhaps even anger or fear about, without realizing it consciously. But because he has this aversion to it, it makes him feel uncomfortable subconsciously, and naturally he ejaculates quickly so that he doesn't have to get close to his partner or prolong sex with her.

A major aspect of this kind of premature ejaculation is the consequence of childhood experiences that were either negative or traumatic, often being caused by a parent having a negative attitude towards sex and conveying that negativity in some way to the child.

Clearly in these cases simple treatment techniques may not work, and deeper psychological analysis or counseling may be necessary, as well as techniques to improve sexual knowledge and skill.

And finally, there is the category that Polonsky called "complicated and relational". In this situation, premature ejaculation becomes a tool which both partners are using in some way to maintain the status quo.

For example, if there are long-standing difficulties between the partners that are not being addressed, it's entirely understandable that there would be some sexual dysfunction such as sexual dysfunction.

It can even be a way that woman disguises her own lack of orgasmic ability in such situations by maintaining the status quo. So what one often finds in these situations is that the partners are reluctant to take part in treatment programs or to support each other in changing.

In such cases PE is a symbol of what's unhealthy within the relationship, and you have to accept that these relationships would most likely have difficulties even if the man was able to make love with a greater degree of skill and control. If the partners are willing to work out these issues, the situation can be resolved, but couple's therapy or individual therapy may be required.

References:

Polonsky, D. (2000) Premature ejaculation. In Leiblum and Rosen, (Ed.) Principles and Practice of Sex Therapy. 3rd edition, The Guilford Press, New York, London

Enjoying Great Sex

One of the remarkable things that people don’t appreciate about penis in vagina intercourse is that only 10% of women at most experience an orgasm through vaginal thrusting by their partner.

The rest of the female population may well enjoy intercourse because the feelings of closeness and connection which it gives them with their partners, but they may not experience orgasm during intercourse unless their clitoris is stimulated during the process of intercourse itself.

Now this may go against our romantic notions and our romantic aspirations, which would have us believe that when a couple are in love and making love, that female orgasm can be induced just simply by her desire for her partner to enter her and make love to her physically by stimulating her vagina as he thrusts…. But unfortunately very few women can orgasm this way.

We know for a fact that the majority of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation alone – and therefore if a woman is going to reach orgasm during intercourse, either her partner must provide manual stimulation to her clitoris or she must provide it herself.

If you watch erotica, you will find that the majority of women who reach intercourse – and can genuinely be seen to be reaching orgasm during intercourse – are actually receiving some kind of clitoral stimulation.

It’s possible that other women can reach orgasm during intercourse because the distance between the vaginal opening and the clitoris is rather less than it is on average. Indeed, a piece of research has been done which proves – or at least, claims to prove – that the distance between the clitoris and a woman’s vagina is what determines whether or not she’s likely to come during intercourse if no other special technique is being used.

And a special technique that most people find will work for them is the coital alignment technique – which may sound like a very unromantic name, but, believe me, it’s a sexual technique which can allow couples to work very closely together in achieving orgasm during intercourse.

The coital alignment technique & orgasm during intercourse

It does take a bit of mastering, and it’s not simple – indeed, the descriptions of the coital alignment technique tend to be very contradictory and rather hard to understand.

My recommendation is that if you want to know more about it, indeed, it’s absolutely essential that if you want to know how to achieve orgasm during intercourse, you can have a look at this website is devoted specifically to this subject – linked from the pictures above.

Remember, above all else, that penis in vagina intercourse – aka PIV intercourse or PIV sex – does not produce orgasm for the majority of women.

If you’ve seen, as I have on the sex discussion forums, the plaintive queries from women who don’t reach orgasm during intercourse about why they aren’t “not normal”, you will understand the need for this subject to be raised more widely than it currently is.

In essence the coital alignment technique is a sexual technique which was invented many years ago by Edward Eichel, and he designed it specifically in response to women’s complaints about lack of orgasm during intercourse with their partner.

You can you can see how true this is, because the basic account of the coital alignment technique was published in a journal called the Journal of Sexual and Marital Therapy.

Anyway that’s rather beside the point! Some people would argue that all that matters is whether or not the coital alignment technique – which is also known as the CAT for short – can actually help women to improve significantly the quality of their sex lives.

I suppose one of the questions that arises whenever the subject comes up for discussion is why women would actually feel it more important to have an orgasm during intercourse than by any other means such as oral sex or masturbation.

But I think the answer that’s rather obvious – when a woman is fully in her female sexual energy – what we might call her lover energy – she’s going to really connect with her feelings of love for her partner.

Since an orgasm tends to be a more powerful emotional experience for a woman and it is for a man, it’s easy to imagine that reaching orgasm during intercourse is a real affirmation of both the feminine nature and her love for her partner. And when a woman loves a man, great things can happen - check it out here. Of course, falling in love is more complex than that - get the facts here and discover what really makes a woman love a man.

In addition, for the man who is making love to her, it’s wildly exciting to feel her vagina contracting and throbbing round his penis as she reaches orgasm while he is inside her.

Others will say that the pot best possible meeting of bodies is synchronous or mutual or simultaneous orgasm – this is rather hard to achieve though, because most men reach orgasm long before their partners.

And that’s about the fact that men are programmed to come quickly during intercourse for all kinds biological reasons – well women have much lower levels of testosterone, which essentially means that they need a much high level of arousal or rather a much longer time to become aroused before their partner enters them – and even when he has done so it takes them quite a while to reach orgasm.

This mismatch of the sexes is undoubtedly one of the reasons why people find it difficult to satisfy women about the dilemma of not being able to reach orgasm during intercourse.

It’s surprisingly hard for most men to delay the moment at which they reach orgasm during intercourse, and in fact it’s actually quite possibly true that very few men are motivated to do so because the reward of an orgasm reached over a long period of lovemaking is probably just as about the same as a reward of an orgasm which appears within two or three minutes of penetration and lovemaking beginning.

That’s a fact which women, who have a more emotional approach to intercourse, may not fully appreciate – what I’m saying is that, I suspect, it’s rather a rare cohort of men who are willing to take the time and trouble necessary to overcome premature ejaculation and please their partners by developing the ability to thrust for a long period of time.

All of these reasons gave rise to the coital alignment technique, a technique which is specifically designed to assist both men and women to reach orgasm, partly by reducing stimulation to the man’s penis, but also by increasing the level of stimulation a woman receives so that she is able to reach orgasm much more quickly.

Another interesting technique for women to consider trying during their lovemaking is that of G spot stimulation and female ejaculation.

G spot stimulation has more or less been proven to be a reality – the G spot is still not fully defined, but I think we can say with a fair degree of accuracy that it more or less represents female prostate tissue equivalent to the tissue which in the mail would form the prostate gland.

And of course because it’s the same tissue it has the ability to secrete sexual fluid just as the male prostate tissue does – and given the right circumstances, it’s entirely possible for a woman to ejaculate this during orgasm.

Most women seem to produce ejaculatory fluid, but few of them ejaculate it because they believe that it’s shameful or dirty or simply loss of urine. Instead, they appear to clampdown the pubococcygeus muscle so the ejaculatory fluid or amrita is forced back into the bladder, and there it mixes with the urine, a fact which appears to given rise to disputes about whether or not female ejaculation is simply forceful urination.

But we can put all of these discussions to one side, because especially obvious to anybody who has experienced female ejaculation that is a highly erotic and arousing experience which allows both men and women alike to introduce another level of excitement and their sex lives.