Sex Techniques and Positions
Good sexual techniques and positions are only one part of great sex, but they are important if you want to get the greatest pleasure from your penis.
So let's start with one of the most exciting things men and women can do during sex - oral sex.
Cunnilingus and fellatio
Cunnilingus is oral sex on a woman's vulva, clitoris or vagina, and fellatio is oral sex on a man's penis.
Fellatio is one of the most pleasurable sexual activities for the majority of men.
The delicious warmth, tightness and wetness of a sexual partner's lips and mouth completely suits the exquisite sensitivity of the penis - so much so that some men say they prefer oral sex to the pleasures of vaginal intercourse.
I wouldn't go that far, but it's a close call!
Oral sex can be a fantastic part of foreplay whether or not it leads to orgasm and ejaculation, or it can take the place of intercourse altogether.
And if a man comes rather quicker than he would like, oral sex can be a great way to give his woman an orgasm, before he penetrates her and enjoys his own orgasm with his penis in her vagina.
If she takes his penis in her mouth before he enters her, they both get the best of both oral sex and vaginal sex.
Most couples these days are happy to give and receive oral sex. One study in 2000 discovered that oral sex was practiced by 78% of men and women.
(In 1990, this was about 70%, and in 1953, when Alfred Kinsey did his pioneering work in the USA, it was only about 50%.)
So if oral sex on the vulva and penis are a normal part of most people's sexual activity, the obvious question is: "How can you get and give the maximum pleasure from sucking your partner's cock and/or balls, or licking her vulva and/or clitoris?"
Great fellatio by her on him - pleasuring the penis - advice for women
If you're a man and you're not getting any oral sex you might like to show your partner this page - it might help her understand why it's so important to you.....
If you're a woman looking for some tips, you need to know that oral sex is just about the best thing you can do for your man.
Of course, it feels good for him, but that's not the whole story. When you take his penis into your mouth you show your complete acceptance of him and his maleness.
A lot of women understand this and do it to give their man pleasure even if they aren't especially keen on oral sex.
He will, of course, appreciate it even more if you allow him to ejaculate in your mouth - this is a powerful urge for a man, and an incredibly erotic and exciting experience. But if you don't like the taste of semen, don't feel you have to do it!
And it's perfectly reasonable to ask him to wash his penis, especially under his foreskin, before sex. Why not take a shower together before you get sexual?
So, assuming you have a willing penis waiting for oral sex, what are you going to do with it?
Your partner doesn't need to be erect, by the way - often a session of oral sex starts with a soft penis, and the excitement of feeling his erection rising under the movements of your lips and tongue can be arousing for both of you.
Good fellatio happens when you take control. That way he's less likely to want to move your head up and down with his hands!
When he does that, it's generally a sign that something's not working quite right - probably that he wants more movement up and down his penile shaft.
If you're concerned that he might go too deep - especially if he has a large penis - then put your hands around the base of his shaft so that it simply can't go further into your mouth than you're comfortable with.
Fellatio is so wonderful for a man that you can hardly go wrong, whatever you do with your tongue and lips. But some things will make the experience better for him.
Remember that the things a penis likes most are tightness, warmth and wetness. So if you keep your lips close around his shaft, and press his glans (the head of his penis) between the roof of your mouth and your tongue, you'll give him a lot of pleasure.
You can also move your hands up and down his penile shaft as you suck at his glans - if your fingers are well-lubricated (with saliva) he probably won't even notice the whole of his penis isn't in your mouth!
Another favorite technique is for you to flick your tongue lightly across the surface of his glans, preferably while you're gently playing with his testicles. His balls are highly sensitive, so don't forget that they too will appreciate being licked or even being taken into your mouth and gently rolled around on your tongue.
Whatever you do, don't describe the idea of him coming in your mouth as gross or disgusting. He definitely won't appreciate that.....so what you might do instead is to replace your mouth with a closed fist as he nears the moment of his ejaculation, so that he comes into your hand.
Again, if you are using plenty of lubricant, he may not even notice the change.
I'm sure it's hardly necessary to mention it, but remember to keep your teeth well clear of his penis at all times - the skin is thin, and his organ is extremely sensitive!
Cunnilingus - great oral sex for women - advice for men
Cunnilingus seems to be one way in which even women who have difficulty getting to orgasm can manage to come fairly easily.
It's easy for a man to alter the pressure of his tongue as he licks his partner's vulva or clitoris to a level that suits her - gentle at first, and more firmly as she nears her orgasm.
The only problem is that his tongue may get tired before she reaches orgasm - or, worse, he may get tired just as she's getting to orgasm. The answer is to switch to finger pressure every time your tongue gets tired!
Most men probably discover fairly quickly what their partner likes, but there are a few general rules which might be helpful.
Early on, light pressure to the sides of her clitoris and all over her labia and the entrance to her vagina are most likely to get her aroused.
After a while, you can switch to more direct contact with her clitoris, though too much pressure early on can make it go numb.
She'll probably like all over stimulation to start with, then as she gets more aroused, a finger in her vagina, pressing on her G spot, will be helpful in increasing her excitement even more.
A finger or two inside her vagina, gently playing with her G spot, as your tongue lightly flicks across her clitoris, is almost guaranteed to get her to orgasm - though you may need to increase the pressure to tip her over the edge into orgasm when she's ready to come.
Cunnilingus is one of the most favorite and exciting sexual activities that a man can perform on a woman. Over and over again, women say they like it more than just about any other sexual activity. And, even better, over 80% of women say they can get to orgasm through oral sex.
If you become a man skilled in the arts of oral sex, you'll be in great demand (as reported on the penis size page of this website, where several women said that if their lover was considerate and skilled in the arts of oral sex, it wouldn't matter a damn what size his penis was).
The only other thing to mention in passing is hygiene - men are often not quite as scrupulous in washing their penis and balls as their partners would like, so attention to this will always go down well with your partner.
Similarly, a fishy vagina is extremely unattractive, and women too should ensure they're clean before oral sex.
Men often think that being so close to their partner's vagina, inhaling its scents and tasting its juices, should make them aroused and give them a really hard, erect penis.
The truth is a bit different. Erections come and go during sex, and you may find that your penis loses its erection as you go down on your partner.
This doesn't matter at all - your cock will be back to full stiffness as soon as you get ready to enter her.
Indisputably the most common perceived sexual inadequacy for men is coming too soon during sex, in other words, premature ejaculation, usually identified if a man ejaculates in under two minutes after entering his partner.
As you might guess, more often than not people don't communicate about premature ejaculation. In my experience, this common sexual dysfunction can easily be cured if a man really wants to have greater ejaculation control.
I believe if a man with PE learns to keep his arousal low and to remain below the point of ejaculatory inevitability, he can easily learn to enjoy better sex.
You can find many helpful training books and websites on the internet that explain how to end the problem of all-too-quick male orgasm, enabling you to make love for much longer.
You can find a self-help manual about how to stop premature ejaculation easily here.
A lot of men who didn't learn ways to avoid PE suffer from embarrassment about sex.
In fact, over 60% of men experience embarrassment about PE, almost certainly due to worry about female sexual partners who may be dissatisfied after very rapid lovemaking.
This, plus a perception that a lot of women may have an orgasm if sexual intercourse went on for long enough, results in a situation where men with premature ejaculation often want to know how to avoid premature ejaculation.
But would you like to know what women really think about quick ejaculation? When asked, almost seven women in ten said that premature ejaculation doesn't worry them - but only when their lover gave them pleasure with fingers or mouth.
Regardless, premature ejaculation may be emotional for man and woman alike. Men believe ejaculating before it's time to do so (whatever that means) is probably a sign of a lack of masculinity.
And quick orgasm generally means the female partner won't get true emotional fulfillment through sex.
I know that sexually active men often lack the knowledge to control premature ejaculation, and do not know about how to get over quick ejaculation when their orgasm comes upon them so unexpectedly.
Sex positions and techniques
For most people, sex is an essential part of a successful relationship. I think the best sex is achieved in a loving relationship, or at least where the partners feel affectionate towards each other.
There's no doubt that when two people are emotionally open and trusting, sex can be a more complete experience, producing emotional fulfillment as well as physical pleasure - though most men would agree that the physical pleasure can be pretty good on its own!
In many relationships, sex can become slightly routine after a while.
You might then want to experiment with new positions and techniques, because a slight change to your usual sexual routine can produce a new sense of excitement and greater arousal.
There are some important differences between men and women when it comes to sex.
Women take between ten and twenty times as long to get aroused as a man, but given sufficient foreplay, the vast majority will reach orgasm during sex. This means the kissing, stroking and cuddling that may seem very boring to a man do in fact have a valuable pay-off!
While men are very penis centered, women are much more whole body focused.
Unlike a man, who might want his partner to start pleasuring him sexually by stroking or sucking his penis, a woman will usually want attention to her non-sexual areas before she can get aroused.
Even when her lubrication has begun to flow, she may well not be aroused emotionally, no matter what her body is doing. The reason for this is that a woman may not know before sex starts whether or not she is going to have an orgasm - whereas most men know very well that an orgasm is the inevitable outcome of stimulating their penis.
This difference can be frustrating, but it is important to women that men don't expect them to get instantly turned on and aroused. Several times in my life a woman in bed with me has admired the ability of my penis to get instantly hard and remain so.....in fact, I think women can be quite envious of this rapid responsiveness!
(Ah....how things have change since the time I wrote those words, ten years ago...age does indeed change things, and being over 50 now, I often find it necessary to get physical stimulation to help my penis get erect....but slower lovemaking is rewarding, and it certainly avoids that compulsive rush to the finishing line which is so often a symptom of a younger man's lovemaking style. You just have to work harder at getting passion and arousal to burn brightly. At least I do. )
It's a fact that most men ejaculate rather quicker than they would like. As a couple you may want to plan sex around this fact.
Since women often say that what they value about sex is the intimacy and closeness rather than the penetration by their partner's penis, one way of satisfying both members of the couple is for the man to give his partner oral sex until she comes, then to have a rest until they are ready for him to fuck her.
This way, it will matter much less if he comes quickly, yet he gets the penile penetration which is so rewarding to him.
And make no mistake about it - sex is rewarding for men. The whole experience, both physical and emotional, is a fundamental part of feeling like a man.
There's something about the moment of penetration, as your penis slips inside your partner, that reinforces our fundamental sense of maleness every time it happens.
And sex in the man on top position, where you can enjoy the sense of holding your partner down and fucking her, whether gently and romantically or with hard and fast thrusts, can be the most fulfilling sex of all.
For pure animal lustfulness, sex in the rear entry position takes some beating.
The sight of her buttocks parted to allow your penis entry to her vagina, followed by the sight of your penis pushing in and withdrawing from her body is about as exciting as sex gets.....although, since sex is such a personal thing, you may have a very different opinion!
The impetus to have sex is very strong, and the penis is a very sexy thing - responding so quickly to sexual stimuli, always ready to penetrate into warm wet places, that it is hardly surprising it has become a symbol of manhood and maleness.
The problem with this is that it leads inevitably to a place where at some level we believe penis size is related to masculinity!
Nothing could be further from the truth - masculinity is measured by values such as loyalty, honor, integrity, strength, courage, commitment, social responsibility, caring for children and building a safe and just society.
For more specific sex hints, see the Fifty Mistakes pages on this website.
No mention of sex would be complete without a mention of safe sex. But rather than safe sex, think of safer sex - use the word safer because all sex can have consequences, from emotional consequences to diseases and pregnancy.
If you decide to be sexually active, you owe it to yourself to learn about what behaviors are risky, and how much risk you want to take.
Both of these sites contain practical, sensible and useful information. Get lots of helpful information on all kinds of positions, conventional and novel, straightforward and challenging.
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