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can't orgasm or ejaculate during sex
Penis skin flaking off
My shrinking penis!
1 I can't orgasm or ejaculate during sex
Q My wife and I have been married 8 years and we are ready to have a baby. However, I am unable to reach orgasm or ejaculate during sex, and that's certainly not helping matters. I am in very good physical health, 31 years old, have a normal penis, and don't have any sexually-related or other diseases. My wife is in very good physical health (30 years old), has a normal vagina, and doesn't have any sexually-related or other diseases. I can orgasm and ejaculate when I masturbate so I know my body is normal. When I do masturbate, I reach orgasm anywhere after anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes. My wife and I have great sex, on average between 2-3 times per week and I give her multiple orgasms.
She is very beautiful and very erotic. I love having sex with her, but after intercourse for 30-45 minutes straight, I just don't feel an ejaculation happening and sometimes even fake it (by using my body and vocally) because I am exhausted. My wife never seems to know the difference. In fact, all my life with all of my sexual partners before my wife, I've had trouble reaching orgasm during sex. I have talked about it to some degree with her, but she can't accept the fact that I don't ejaculate at all. I can't stand lying to her and I really want us to have a child. Do you think I could have conditioned myself from many years, prior to meeting my wife, of having unprotected sex with many women (thank God I didn't catch anything!) that for fear of getting those girls pregnant, that my mind refuses to allow my body to ejaculate?
Does the masturbation have an effect? I've gone for three weeks without masturbating with no effect. I felt like I might be coming close during sex towards the end of that time period, but still nothing. Three weeks, no masturbation, sex about 10 times, and nothing. I finally caved and did masturbate. Did I ruin it? Should I abstain from masturbation entirely and just wait for it to build up and hope for the best during sex? I'm guessing this is totally psychosomatic. Do you agree? Is my guilt causing the problem? How do you NOT think about it during sex? One good "will I achieve it this time" thought during intercourse instantly kills the whole process.
A: The problem is that such issues are nearly always concerned with deep-seated guilt and problems with sex that go far back into the roots of the subconscious. Childhood repression, fear of nudity, sexual abuse as a child, shame and guilt about sex as a child, anger against women - the possible causes of such difficulties are very numerous, and the only realistic way of sorting them out is with the help of a good sex therapist. This does not of course explain how you were able to have sex before you met your wife, even though you do say that you had difficulty achieving orgasm even then. I think a visit to a sexual therapist would help a lot.
2 Boyfriend won't have sex but masturbates regularly
Q: I am a 26 year old woman and I have an enormous sex drive. But my boyfriend who's 36 doesn't. Or he says he doesn't. We have gotten into a couple of fights over this because he wouldn't make love to me but he is masturbating. This is where it gets really confusing and I am having problems trying to talk to him about it because he starts making me feel like I am the one to blame. Since you're a man can you give me a better reasoning on what is going on? I have tried seducing him, meeting him at the door, wearing sexy clothes, giving him a massage and candlelit bath.... But it doesn't work. Am I losing this ongoing battle of masturbation? I wouldn't care so much if he talked to me. I really cannot explain why he won't have sex with me. I am so confused and hurt.
A: Well, the first thing is that many men, perhaps even most, who are in a relationship will still masturbate, and it is often hard for the woman to understand why this happens if the couple are having sex. However, the problem here is that there is no sex. Sadly it is true that feelings of sexual attraction are often the first thing to disappear when a relationship is in trouble, so this could mean your man is beginning to feel that he wants something different from what you do. The other possibility is simply that his sex drive really is lower than yours, and he would be content with what seems to you like an unacceptably low frequency of sex - maybe once or twice a month? Have you asked him? It seems like he is behaving in a classically male way, and not opening up to you about what he wants. I think communication would help a lot, but many men do not seem to know how to communicate! I also think he may be avoiding lovemaking because his feelings for you may have changed, and he does not know how to tell you.
If you have erectile dysfunction, check out this resource - www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com for the best treatment strategies.
3 Too sensitive during oral sex
Q: I was wondering what would make a man so sensitive while performing oral sex on him? He is uncircumcised and says to be gentle because sometimes it hurts him. After a few minutes he tells me to stop - he can't handle it. He says it feels good but that he would get off too fast if I carried on. He also has a big penis, and knows how to use it! But he is so sensitive. Even when I touch him sometimes he jumps - when I ask him if he's ok, he says yes, and tells me it feels good but sensitive. Can you help me to understand this?
A: I'm not sure there is a lot to understand. Men who are uncircumcised, with a foreskin that has protected the sensitive parts of the penis head, will naturally be much more sensitive, at least compared with those who have been "cut": the rubbing of the penis head on clothing over many years can make it dry and much less sensitive. And many men are so sensitive on the glans that they cannot stand any touch immediately after orgasm. In one extreme case, a guy told me his cock was so sensitive that he had to put it in ice after he came.
4 Has vigorous sex damaged my penis?
Q: I was having vigorous sex with a tight condom last night for an extended duration and through all the activity I managed to rupture one of the veins just below the head of my penis. This has happened before. It's not painful but the vein is now quite hard and there is a bulge of fluid around the area. I know what caused it but I am more concerned about avoiding the repeat offence or doing something to fix the problem. Short term I'm abstaining and avoiding any constricting motion on my penis. Longer term I'm worried about complications. Is there any treatment to fix, remove or bypass this injury? Or some other suggestion perhaps. I'm guessing that each time this happens that I'm just rupturing the vein further along its length. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
A: I would think about getting a looser condom, or one of the new designs that allow the penis head much more freedom of movement. If a man has a big penis head, a normal condom may be uncomfortably tight. I think the problem described above may stem from a situation where the skin of the penis cannot freely move up and own, and the vein is trapped, subject to a lot of pressure from the sexual activity, and eventually is damaged.
5 Red and sensitive foreskin
Q: Hi, I wonder if you can explain the redness and soreness on my foreskin. I tore it once during vigorous sex with my wife, and although it healed, it has been very sensitive ever since. During sex it now becomes very red and irritated. Will it ever heal? I have been married 20 years, so there is no concern about a sexually transmitted disease. I hope you can offer some advice, as I would hate to go to the doctor about this.
A: You need to go to the doctor, because it may be a yeast infection with which your wife is reinfecting you every time you have sex. This doesn't mean that she has a sexually transmitted disease, because yeast infections can occur in monogamous women and men. Fortunately they can be easily cured.
6 Worried about dark ring around penis
Q: I have a question/problem for you my penis has a dark ring around it. What is it? Should I see a Doctor?
A: This is probably the normal circumcision scar which all circumcised men have.
7 My fiancÚ won't masturbate or have sex
Q: My fiancÚ has a belief that there is a correlation between frequent ejaculation and a shortened life span or poorer general health. He got this information from a Chinese theory book he read several years ago, and he tries to live by it. His general sex drive is low, and we have sex about once, maybe twice a month. I did read in a men's health magazine that having an orgasm 3 times a week is healthy for a man (they didn't say why), and I had always been under the impression before that the longer term effects were positive and healthy ... like sports, of course you're tired after a workout, but you feel better and stronger afterwards and you enjoy the activity in the process. I wonder if his low sex drive could be because his hormones have sort of gone to sleep in that department over the years. I also wonder if this could be a sign that he's gay and in denial and this theory is mostly an excuse to not have to do it that often. It seems to me that there are very few men on this planet who would willingly and eagerly abstain when with an attractive and fit girl, and every other guy I've been with has wanted sex regularly, so I just don't understand this. He has suggested that if I cannot accept him and his beliefs on this subject and respect them, it might be the end of our relationship, but it has really put a damper on our sex life (not that it was ever that lively to begin with) but in the beginning he was not quite as adamant about this theory. We are supposed to be married in two months, and I don't know what to make of this. I am really looking for some scientific information about the health benefits of ejaculation vs. never ejaculating. If my fiancÚ is going to devote himself to this theory, and it's going to affect our relationship, I feel we should at least figure out whether there's really any truth to it. It just seems to me that men are designed to ejaculate periodically and that this is normal and healthy and that it might even be unhealthy for him to never ejaculate.
A: Since sex is a fundamental basis of a relationship, or rather, agreeing about sex is, you have a major communication problem which you need to work on. Leaving that aside, your boyfriend's approach to sex seems to be a corruption of Taoism, where not ejaculating is reputed to conserve male energy and vitality. However, the Taoists did not abstain from sex - they developed a method of sex whereby a man could orgasm repeatedly without ejaculation. If your boyfriend is thinking of this, then he has only got half the picture!
On a more general level, the penis and prostate, and especially the erectile tissue of the corpora cavernosa, need to be subject to frequent erection and ejaculation to maintain good health. In fact the penis will shrink if a man doesn't have regular erections. The function of night time erections (of which the average healthy male will have about five) is now thought to be to oxygenate the tissues of the penis so that they are maintained in good health. Normal blood flow to the erectile chambers is inadequate for this purpose.
For most men, it is very odd to voluntarily forego the pleasure of ejaculation and orgasm. Even if a man had a major emotional problem with sex, I would still expect him to masturbate, even if this produced guilt and shame (as it fairly often seems to do), since in the majority of men the sexual urge is pretty strong, at least to the age of 40 or so. I wonder if, therefore, you might consider the possibility that a man who does not feel the need for sex with an attractive, healthy, feminine woman with whom he is in a relationship is either gay or has a very low sex drive, possibly of hormonal origin. In short, while I do not deny the possibility that there could be some Taoist philosophy or belief system driving your boyfriend's celibacy, I think it's possible that he is gay. The other thought that occurs to me is that he may have a hormonal deficiency. Here's a bit more information on each of these possibilities.
My experience as a counselor and therapist leads me to say that many men are in fact latently gay (I don't mean whole swathes of men, but a significant number) and that even owning up to this element of their personality can be difficult, especially if they were ought up in a homophobic, intolerant environment. I think every gay man who goes through counseling at some point expresses the desire to be heterosexual. And gay men cannot be "converted" by the love of a woman. Fundamentally, and again I accept it is another controversial view, I believe much gayness is driven by repressed hatred of women which originates in the early experiences of the boy child. It is often so deep rooted that it cannot be addressed other than by coming to an acceptance of the man's sexual orientation as a lifestyle choice. This is an outcome that is perfectly acceptable for many men. The deepness of such repression is demonstrated by the fact that many men who have married and had children later in life come out as gay.
One of my clients, whom I suspect is not that unusual, lived a double life, with two completely separate existences, each unknown to the other. He had an ostensibly heterosexual existence, dated women, had heterosexual friends, and constantly said he wanted a girlfriend, while secretly satisfying his sexual needs with a boyfriend, whom none of his heterosexual friends even knew existed, and casual gay sexual contacts attained through placing ads in gay magazines.
The possibility of hormonal disturbance - primary hypogonadism if it originates in some pre-pubertal deficiency, and secondary if it results from some post-pubertal disturbance of hormonal functioning - would be easier to establish, simply by seeing an endocrinologist. But if a man has rationalized away any physiological deficiency, it may be difficult for him to see the need for a medical check up. On a personal level, if I was consulted by a man who was genuinely not masturbating (and had not done so even during puberty when hormone levels in males are at their highest), was not experiencing wet dreams, and was rarely having sex, and at the same showed evidence of guilt and shame after the limited sexual contact in which he was indulging, my conclusion would be this: that he had perhaps got some very deep emotional issues about sex which he could avoid dealing with because he also had a physiologically low sex drive, stemming from either a hormonal abnormality or a level of hormone which bordered on the abnormally low.
What I mean is that if a man is horny and randy, he can hardly avoid facing up to sexual issues, but if his sex drive is low, then he is not challenged by the very urgency of the sexual urge in the same way. If a man simply can't face sexual issues at all - which would make me consider the possibility of sexual abuse during his childhood - then I can see how he might rationalize this into a belief that sex was bad, and celibacy was good. To sum all this up, I would say that I do not for one moment think that abstinence is a healthy course of action, either physically or psychologically.
8 Skin abrasions from too much sex
Q: I think I have cuts resulting from too much sexual activity and I was wondering what I can do to heal them. It happened a couple of times in the past but it went away after a day or two. What can I do?
A: Err....have less sex? Or use an artificial sexual lubricant?
9 Penis dripping after urination
Q: After peeing, my penis continues to drip for an hour or so. Therefore, it wets my underwear. How can I stop it from dripping? Is this normal?
A: Yes, it is normal. Give a good hard squirt at the end of your urination, then use a milking action along the length of the penis to squeeze any drips out when you have finished. If you're in a public restroom, try not to smile as you do this.
10 Urine sprays in all directions while pissing
Q: Sometimes, while pissing, the stream gets spread into different directions. Is this normal? What can I do to stop it?
A: Try squeezing the end of the penis is different ways till you find a way of holding the penis that stops the spray. If you are uncircumcised, pull back your foreskin before urinating. If you have hypospadias, a condition where the urethral opening is often different in a different place or a different shape to what it is in the majority of penises, read Hypospadias: "different" penis
11 Too old for sex at 70?
Q: I have always got a lot of enjoyment from my penis. I'm 70 now but still performing after a fashion, married with a grown up family. My wife, although she has lost much of her interest in sex still helps me although we don't have any successful (orgasmic) vaginal sex any more. She gives me satisfaction by hand or occasionally orally and this keeps me happy. I am showing signs of impotence and my question is what I can do in the way of exercises etc to keep my old penis enjoying orgasms and maintaining erections when required. Vaginal sex does not give the same sensation any more (my wife had a hysterectomy some years ago and vaginal problems as a result) so that hardly ever results in us reaching a climax. I try to keep active and fit and eat a good diet, don't smoke and drink little so perhaps I should resign myself to the fact that at 70 things are going to tail off? But I've always been a bit of a fighter and I thought that you may be able to help?
A: Try Viagra. This helps almost all men. And buy your wife some lubricant, try gentle massage around her vulva and see if this reawakens her desire for penetration. There is no real reason why you have to give up sex at 70!
12 Can't keep an erection with wife at 21 years old
Q: I have to wait days and days to get horny enough to ejaculate with my wife. I am only 21. I can't feel oral sex and its very hard for me to ejaculate with it - I often go limp before I ejaculate. In fact, I have tried all kinds of sex with my wife to try and achieve ejaculation but it rarely works. I had a vasectomy a year and a half ago and now my problem has gotten worse. When I masturbate I have to almost rip my skin open to feel it and I often end up chafed and cut. I don't do any drugs or take any medicines and have had two kids. I really am at the end of my rope I am so frustrated, and my wife is starting to feel bad. Any advice would be great.
A: You are not the first man to write with a similar problem. I wonder if you neither masturbated nor had sex for a week, would that make a difference? Would it make you horny and ready to go? If not, then it is more likely you have a problem that goes beyond a low sex drive. There are some suggestions that a vasectomy may cause hormonal problems later in life, but it isn't likely at 21. I think perhaps you should see an endocrinologist, to establish whether your hormone levels are low because of some other cause. There are several possible reasons for low hormone levels and loss of libido: mumps, glandular fever, excessive drinking, stress, depression, some prescription drugs - all these can cause the problem. And certainly losing your erection before you come is one symptom that can be characteristic of low testosterone levels in men.
If however the problem is emotional - you don't like your wife, and you don't want to make love to her - then you have a different set of problems.
13 Penis skin is flaking off
Q: Hello. I have a question. I've been noticing that the skin on my penis is shedding, sometimes painfully. Very thick layers of skin get rubbed off during masturbation. What is causing this? Is this normal? My penis would often become painful to touch for a moment and would have almost scab-like layer of skin.
A: This sounds very much like a fungal infection, and you must see a doctor - it would be easy to treat, but potentially very damaging if left alone.
14 Penis skin sore to touch
Q: I have had some problems with my penis lately...sometimes it gets so sensitive that when I touch the foreskin it really hurts; sometimes it looks like it is tearing. I don't know if it's because I use a condom. What should I do?
A: Try using non-spermicidally lubricated or polyurethane condoms, because some people are allergic to latex and others are allergic to the spermicide used on them. If that doesn't work see a doctor.
15 A few penis problems - who do I see?
Q: I am 20 years old, in good shape, and have never had any "penis problems" until now. Recently a vein on the right side of it swelled up. The vein is near the base, and it goes about a little over an inch up the shaft. Also, I noticed that there is a faint purplish ring around my penis, which I'm thinking must have something to do with the vein. Also, sometimes when I urinate there is kind of a slight pinching pain where about where my penis meets my body, on the right side. Otherwise there is no pain. Are any of these problems recognizable? What could it have been caused by? Will it go away? Is this common? Does it sound like a temporary thing or could it be a major problem? Should I see a doctor, and if so, what kind of doctor?
A: Like all penis problems, if you start with your ordinary family doctor, you can go on to get a referral to a urologist (a male dick doctor) if necessary. If the problem is unusual or difficult, the best course is to go to a University hospital with teaching facility, where the expertise may be greater. I t6hink that many people often develop fears which they pin on their penis, even when there is nothing actually wrong. seeing a doctor may be reassuring.
16 17 years old and penis damaged by sex?
Q: I am 17 years old, and I guess I have a problem with my penis. Last year I had a sex for the first time, but before that I had many "blow-jobs". The problem started the first time I had intercourse with a girl. I pulled my foreskin down and put the condom on, but my penis head got bigger than ever before and and turned purple, while the foreskin turned red. While we were having sex it hurt kind of bad - I guess my skin is not so flexible. Now, when I masturbate and get an orgasm I have to have my foreskin up, because once I pull it behind the head it starts to hurt and feels really uncomfortable. My first girl I guess was working too hard on me, maybe she damaged my penis somehow.
A: You may be allergic to latex condoms or to the spermicide on them. You also sound as though your foreskin is too tight. If you read the problem page on my site, you can find a link to a site that will teach you how to stretch the foreskin so that it is more comfortable - If this does not help, then I would get the advice of a doctor.
17 Average size penis won't stay hard
Q: I have an average sized penis, about 5.5" in length. My problem occurs during sexual intercourse with my partner. My penis will be erect, but will lose the erection when she and I change positions. What would make this happen? It will come back after 10 minutes or so, but will usually recede again once more before I am able to ejaculate. I had hypospadias as a child and was operated on twice. Could this have anything to do with it? Thanks for your help.
A: As to the question you pose here, I really don't know. I don't think the hypospadias has anything to do with it - not physically at least. There could be a psychological component, in which your self-consciousness about your penis interferes with your sexual responsiveness. But, since you get an erection, and obviously don't suffer from premature ejaculation, I would hesitate to say that was the case. One possibility is that the nerves have been damaged during the hypospadias operations, and you are a bit less sensitive than you would otherwise have been. If so, you might need more intense stimulation during sex to maintain your arousal.
18 My glans is completely insensitive
Q: Can you point me in a direction. My glans has lost ALL sensitivity and does not react to touch - mine or anyone else's. Is there anything that can be done?
A: This is a query that comes up a lot, and no-one seems to have an answer. I suggest the best bet is to go to a urologist at a teaching hospital, where the level of expertise will be high. Some possibilities that might be relevant: gradual loss of sensitivity due to lowered sexual desire; skin problems as a result of infections; nerve damage due to trauma or injury; psychological issues about not wanting sex. Having helped many men with sexual issues over the years, I do know that sex is as much in the mind as in the body, and I tend to think that if you looked at the psychological issues here you might make progress. As always, a good sexual therapist can help enormously.
19 How long must a penis be for pregnancy?
Q: Please tell me about the minimum length of the penis that insure successful intercourse and pregnancy.
A: Any length at all that gets sperm into a vagina! The average penis length is just over 5.5 inches, but our penis size survey revealed that many men have a penis much shorter than this. (See Penis size facts.) For example, we talked with one man who had two children, and his penis was only two inches long when erect. So the answer is that penis size is pretty irrelevant when it comes to reproduction.
20 No sensation when I ejaculate
Q: I'm not sure if you can help me but when I masturbate I can get a erection and ejaculate but lately I haven't really felt the orgasm. I am pretty sure I have one but it feels kinda numb down there. Do you know what causes this?
A: Are you emotionally troubled? Depressed? That might do it. On prescription drugs? (Or any other kind?) That could easily do it. Drinking too much? Had an injury to the groin? If none of these seem relevant, another thing you could do is to try strengthening your PC muscles - a bit like women do after they have had a child. This increases the force of the ejaculatory contractions, and makes the orgasm much more powerful. Read about it here.
21 Aroused and unfulfilled - "blue balls"?
Q: The past few weeks I have been seeing a girl who seems to get me aroused every time I see her. We have played around in bed together and have rolled around the sheets together, me with a hard-on and she extremely turned on. Because she is not quite ready to go all the way, I have been finding myself getting super hard erections then cooling off all night long. My testicles seem to be bearing the brunt of this erection then non-ejaculation, and I am in pain most of the next day. What is going on? I am 20 years old and very healthy. Should I be concerned? Is this what some people term "blue balls"?
A: Yes, that is indeed what people call blue balls. I think the answer to your problem is either to ask her to masturbate you to orgasm, or do it yourself (ask her if she minds, first, though), and you could also just explain that she turns you on so much - she will be flattered by that, believe me - that you are left uncomfortable if you don't get off. Alternatively, go discreetly to the bathroom and relieve yourself- it shouldn't take long if you are so turned on. But in any event, an orgasm is clearly what you need. By the way, could you ask her if she would like to get some pleasure as well? Suggestions for you to put to her might include that she could in herself off with her hands while you hold her, curled up alongside her (she might like that) or that you bring her off - "heavy petting" - i.e. fondling her to orgasm (you could tell her it would make YOU very happy to do this for HER). Or you could have a session of frottage: have her lie on her back with you on top of her, supporting your weight so she isn't squashed, and kiss her - you can even do this fully clothed, although you might have a laundry bill afterwards! - as things hot up, you may find that you both begin to naturally rub your penis and vulva together, and perhaps simulate the movements of sexual intercourse. If she responds, you can go on till she comes, and you will probably follow soon after. Any of these might be a very nice substitute for full blown intercourse if she isn't ready for it.
22 Burning sensation in urethra
Q: Hi, I am a 16 year old male, and I have a problem that has been bugging me for about two years now. Well, here goes. Throughout the day, I sometimes feel a burning sensation in my urethra, and there is sometimes some clear fluid there. I also have a slight burning sensation when I urinate. Sometimes after a bowel movement I get these fierce spasms in my lower back and rectum that last for about 3 minutes. Worst of all though is that during ejaculation, I feel that slight burning as well as a weird pressure in my groin. Afterwards I get what feels like a muscle ache all through my groin (buttocks, testes, lower abdomen, penis). I have no idea what is causing this. I recently was tested for a urinary tract/bladder infection, but there is none. I am very active, so is this related to sports? I really need your advice.
A: I wonder if you have prostatitis. Try www.prostatitis.org and see if the symptoms sound familiar. There is also a condition which involves spasm of the rectal muscles which may cause sharp and acute pains in the groin/rectum areas.
23 Come again?
Q: Thank you for such an informative website. I had lots of questions on my husband's sex drive, and it answered most of those questions. We have sex frequently, and it is great - I usually have several orgasms before and during intercourse - which apparently is not very common - so I feel pretty great about that. I was concerned that his lack of pursuing a "third" round meant that he was not interested - but I guess the fact of the matter is - he's just tired or not as young as he used to be. Thank you for such a great website. It was very informative without being smutty or pornographic. Thanks again.
A: Well, thank you! By the way, I must say even a young man would have great difficulty in pursuing a "third round"...maybe for a twenty year old, it would be possible, but by about 40, I think most men want sex much less often - once a week perhaps, or even less. So I think you are right to assume that your husband's "desire", "performance" or whatever you call it, has little to do with his feelings towards you, but is much more to do with his own hormonal state.
24 My shrinking penis
Q: I am 64 years old and last year I had a mild case of Peyronie's which affected the last 1/3 of the shaft which turned down slightly. It felt like small kernels in the shaft rather than scar tissue. The doctor felt the shaft while it was flaccid and said it was Peyronie's. It went away but on the left side next to the base it is a little dished in. When I was erect before the problem I was 7 and 3/4 inches but I have lost about 2 inches in length. I have put on about 40 lbs and wonder if that could have a bearing on it. Is it normal for age to shorten your penis? Please advise.
A: I think it is almost certainly your weight increase which is the major cause of this. If you were to lose the fat, your penis would appear longer again. However, there may well be a bit of an effect because of the Peyronie's. Also, if you aren't quite as high in testosterone as you used to be, you may well not be getting as many erections as in the past, and, sadly, this also seems to cause a decline in the size of the penis. You might want to read about andropause (the male menopause). Do a search on Google.
25 Is my (lumpy) semen normal?
Q: Hi, I'm a 21 yr old male who is wanting to get sexual with my girl, but I have just started 'examining' myself more, and I have found that when I ejaculate, in the semen is clear 'jelly' pieces... the longer I leave masturbation, the more 'jelly' there is. I have taken up masturbating every day, but I still find the 'jelly' in the semen. I am worried over this as my partner (and I) want to have an active and full sex life, and as this will be my first time, I want to to be right, not worrying about semen content. I hope that you can help, as I feel embarrassed to talk about it, and have not discussed it with my partner just in case something is wrong.
A: This is a very common thing. Many men find their semen goes through periods of lumpiness, and may have a green or yellow tinge at times. It's normal, though I agree it can be a bit odd to look at.
26 My ever ready penis
Q: Hello there, can you help and tell me what the problem is with my penis...as a teenager whenever I was kissing my girlfriend my penis lubricated very heavily .. now that I am married I still have the problem! I can't stop it. Whenever we make love or have oral sex my penis lubricates like a tap...so can you suggest me to what should I do to stop it, or tell me the problem is?
A: I don't understand why you think this is a problem - it is quite natural and you can't do anything about it. Maybe you need to try and incorporate it into your sexual play. It could be quite an erotic thing for your wife to know she turns you on so much - have you thought of asking her what she feels about it? Presumably you don't mind the thought of her vagina getting wet and slippery if she kisses you or you have foreplay? Indeed, I would imagine you find this quite exciting? Try thinking of the situation in reverse!
27 My ever hard penis!
Q: I have a question. I am very concerned about my "thing". I am a teenager and I am constantly getting hardies for like no reason. Is there anything I can do to stop that? And is there any way to make my "Thing" get bigger? Thanks.
A: Well, your penis will get hard for no apparent reason as a teenager - this happens to most if not all boys because of the high levels of sex hormone in their bodies. Some men find that these erections continue into their twenties. It all depends on the individual. Regard it as a symbol of your budding masculinity and be proud of it. (OK, I know it can be inconvenient). Your penis will probably not stop growing until you are 17 or so, so you may get bigger than you already are. And don't be frightened of the word penis!
28 Spots on penis after sex
Q: I am rather worried about a problem that transpired over a month ago. Since not using condoms, I have red spots on the head of my penis that appear after sex, then clear up within approx 48 hours. I have been in a relationship with the same woman for six months. Also my frenulum has been slightly torn and is very sore whenever we have sex.
A: Well, it could be that you have got something like a fungal infection off her - some men and women carry these things without showing any symptoms - however, the fact they clear up could indicate that it is nothing more than a friction problem, a suggestion supported by your report of damage to the frenulum. The only way to be sure is see a doctor. You could try using more lube to start with, and avoid anything with nonoxynol nine if you are allergic to it. As for the torn frenulum, sad to say, you may need to see a urologist. Once a frenulum has torn, it tends to heal shorter than it was before, and thereafter it is even more likely to get torn again. The cycle of tearing and healing short goes on unless it is surgically attended to. This is a simple procedure for a doctor, at least if he knows what he is doing! (Ask him if he has done many similar operations before you let him loose on your penis.)
29 My penis stays hard after I ejaculate!
Q: I am trying to get info on something that occurs with me almost every time that I get an erection. The more foreplay the longer it happens. www.working-relationship.com has shown me how I am able to maintain the erection for a long time. With enough stimulation, it will last for 20 minutes to a half hour. Past girlfriends call me a show off because they can't take it as long as it is hard. My current main squeeze call it the 8th wonder of the world. Is this a rare occurrence? How can I use it to my advantage? Please don't say that I should just be happy and my girlfriend should be pleased, I've already had that from my doctor.
A: I think you are just one of a rare number of men for whom this is normal. I would ensure you use it to satisfy your girlfriend, especially if she likes vaginal penetration and can get to orgasm that way. By the way, I think it is likely to mean you continue to get strong erections past the age where most men are drooping.
30 I can't come during sex!
Q: I have been with my girlfriend exactly 2 months. I have been having problems getting off. I have no trouble getting my member up but when she tries to give me head I don't have an orgasm. How can I make it so she has no trouble making me cum?
A: I think there may be several possible reasons for this. First of all, are you comfortable with her? Do you like her? Deep down? Or do you feel angry resentful towards her? This may hint at the fact that you aren't cut out for each other. Another possibility is that, like many men, you simply cannot get to orgasm through oral sex: it just doesn't provide enough friction! While some men find oral sex (fellatio) a glorious experience, others lose their erection and cannot come. If you need the greater stimulation of a hand, or full intercourse, to achieve an orgasm, I am sorry that you may not be able to do anything about this.
31 Skin problems on penis
Q: My problem essentially is that my penis is ultra sensitive. I masturbate once every 3-4 days which may not seem like much - but my penis is continually having one aching, throbbing feeling about it or another. After masturbating once it is sore for about a day and a half. I have not been circumcised. A doctor thought I may have a Candida type bug, but after treatment there is still a problem. I am going off to see a urologist and a dermatologist soon. Even after just a mild stimulation such as washing in the shower it becomes bright red. Sometimes in the morning (if I don't wake up with an erection) it is pale white - like a complete albino. I have been washing it with conventional soaps, and my doctor said to switch to a baby soap as it doesn't have any irritants.
A: One possible explanation is allergy to latex condoms or nonoxynol 9, but another possibility that occurs to me is that it is due to the dryness of the glans tissue - I know this is a problem for many circumcised men, but I think some have it worse than others. The reason it happens is that the glans is keratinized, or dry, and it has lost the ability to produce the natural lubrication and skin oils that are found in an uncircumcised man. As a result, the friction of masturbation or clothes rubbing on it is so great that it irritates the tissue for a long time. Certainly seeing a dermatologist is a good idea.
32 How was it for you, darling? Did you really come?
Q: I hope you can answer a question for me. Can a man have an orgasm without ejaculation? In other words, can a man "fake" orgasm - or isn't there always moisture present when a man reaches orgasm?
A: When I was a teenager I used to be able to come three times in an hour, and the third time there would be almost no liquid, but the orgasm was weak as well. I think it is the expulsion of fluid that causes a lot of the intensity of the male orgasm, therefore if there was no semen with a real orgasm, I would assume that there would be only a weak orgasm as well. This would mean there would be little bodily expression of the orgasm: and that shouting, groaning, muscular contractions, and facial contortions, etc, would all be limited. What I am saying is I wouldn't expect a real orgasm with no semen ejaculated be a very impressive event. So maybe, just maybe, if a guy is shouting a lot but producing no semen, then he is faking it! But I can't give you a definite answer.
What complicates this even more is that some men who have trained themselves in Taoist practices certainly do have the ability to orgasm without ejaculation. Indeed, their orgasm may go on for a long time and no moisture will appear as they do not ejaculate. This reflects the practice of learning to separate orgasm from ejaculation. Although we tend to think of them as being inextricably linked, they are separate processes, and men can learn to come without ejaculating.
33 Sore penis skin
Q: I have developed a dry skin around the head of my penis. This has caused some open sore to develop, they eventually heal, but some have been coming back. I have also noticed a bump underneath the head, a bit down on the shaft. Is this from the dry skin and sores? Is there anything I can buy to heal this?
A: I think you need to check up with your doctor in case it is a fungal infection....then if you are circumcised, use some lubrication (e.g. a good massage oil) when you masturbate. Don't treat your penis roughly, and it should be OK. But I think you need to get a check up to find the best way to cure the problem.
34 I can't come during intercourse!
Q: I cannot ejaculate or come during sex easily. In fact, I take way too long to ejaculate: most of the time it's an average of 45 minutes to an hour before I finally get exhausted and give up and act like I had an orgasm. When I masturbate it only takes me an average of 3 to 5 minutes. I have heard everything from that I masturbate too much (which I don't see as being that much different from sex) to that I have psychological problems, and I don't believe that either. I have a very active sexual imagination when I'm either having sex or wanking, and anyway I love sex very much. I have noticed that when I'm erect and very hard and bigger than normal it doesn't seem to take as long, and I am able to "get off" during sex in a reasonable amount of time, say 30 minutes. Could it be that I'm not getting a "full" erection the other times?
Most of the time my penis hard is 6 inches but I've noticed that when it's very much bigger, around 7 in, it takes no time at all compared to when I'm smaller. Either way my penis is hard so I don't know if that would be a reason or not. Could you please email me back with maybe some suggestions? I'm wondering if I have a hormone imbalance and maybe some prescription drugs would be able to help matters. It is very frustrating not being able to "get off" during sex and my partner is wondering if it's her, but it's not, as this has always been the case with me.
A: To be honest, I would have to say that I think this is psychological. Getting off in three minutes when wanking doesn't mean anything - you're on your own, aren't you? When you are with someone else it is much more complicated. I think that you might get the advice of a good sexual therapist.
35 My penis is hard all the time
Q: This question is serious and embarrassing. I am 25 years old and my penis gets erect all the time. I cannot wear jogging pants, boxers, loose pants, really tight pants, or even think of something sexual unless I want the world to see my penis. I am not sexually active (I am a virgin) however I masturbate at least 3 times daily. I have gotten into the habit of doing this because I get erect less in public by doing so. I love my body and my penis but how might I stop this from happening all the time....HELP!
A: Hi, I am sure this is embarrassing but it is
better than never getting an erection! If you get into a relationship with a man
or woman (according to taste) you may find regular sex helps dispel the urges
and the spontaneous erections. However, apart from that, I am afraid you can't
do a lot about this, but you could try the traditional remedies: exercise, cold
showers and filling your leisure time with distracting activities. (Sadly, I
don't think that stuff really works.) And, if you really want to learn how to
control these impulses, you could practice the Taoist techniques of drawing your
sexual energy up away from your groin. Read about them in a book titled The
Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia.
36 I come too quickly
Q: When I have sexual intercourse for the first time in a week, I always ejaculate within a minute or two. Is this normal? When I recover from the first time, I proceed to have sexual intercourse again and I will not ejaculate at least for another 45 minutes. Is that normal? Should I be concerned about any of this?
A: Yes, and no, in that order.
37 Blood in semen
Q: 2 weeks ago I ejaculated semen during intercourse. About 10min after that I urinated a stream of blood with clots. It slowly went away but then came back but not as much. I haven't ejaculated since then because I've been too scared. Is there anything you can think of tied to this symptom?
A: There are lots of possible reasons, some serious, some not. The only way you can tell for sure is to see a doctor. I suggest you do this. The sooner the better, as that way you will be able to relax when you find it's nothing serious. The most common cause is that the little veins in the urethra (pee tube) rupture due to vigorous sex or masturbation. This goes away quickly, so you may want to have another try and see what happens.
38 Low hanging testicles
A guy who wanted help with his low-hanging
testicles & scrotum answered the following questions.....unfortunately we
couldn't advise him on what to do, but he had done some research himself.
Read on to find out more....
How did you develop at puberty?
My puberty went pretty normal, I don't have many memories about my penis in my early years. In school I almost never got the chance to see other kids' dicks or to compare, so that part went by with nothing special I'd say.
When did you realize your cock was bigger than average?
I remember when I was 15 a friend came to me and said, "man I just found out I can grab my whole dick with both hands" and I thought "that's weird I can do that both hands and the head sticks out beyond my hands", but I didn't mention it to him. I think that's the first memory I have regarding penis size. I didn't do much at the time, I don't think I even measured it. When I was 17 I started getting the usual enlargement spam about how to grow my dick to 8", and that's when I first got curious and measured myself at 6". Though I was average I wished I was bigger given all the stuff about how great a big dick can be....I even had fantasies about what it'd be like to have a bigger dick. From then on, apparently my wish got granted because I had some growth spurts until my early 20's and at this stage I remember it finished growing at it's current length of 8" (that's the length when erect). It was fun to think that I now had the dick that they'd promised in spam without any work but shortly after it got that size I started having problems of all sorts, regarding embarrassing erections (you can't hide the fact you're hard when it's so big), and uncomfortable underwear. For some time I even went to college with no underwear because I just found it more comfortable to "go commando". Low hanging testicles cause a lot of pain while walking - from the forums.
When did your testicles start to seem low?
Until one moment I never really gave any thoughts on my testicles, they just seemed to hang there like any other pair. The first memory I have about them was in a toilet when I was 21 when I sat and felt them hit the water, it was gross and I was surprised by that, I was not quite sure of what just happened.
I started really noticing my balls hanging lower probably when I was around 24, it must have been during summer when I started to feel them touch my leg where I wasn't expecting. Although in winter they retract somewhat, which is OK, each spring or summer I can see how they hang, and I have noticed them getting lower and lower each year until now (I'm 27) and I have started to worry about it. Along with my balls my penis when soft is now 6" and I think is part of what's causing the problem. It is weird to be so big - an erect penis is supposed to be this size!
How does this affect you?
Regular briefs are no good since my scrotum escapes through the leg opening sometimes slipping one testicle through or just constantly rubbing against my leg which causes me to get constant rashes there.
I've had lots of comments by friends thinking I have a hard on because of the bulge it shows, and it's embarrassing in some pants or formal suits at work; indeed I have spotted many other people looking at my bulge and it's not really something I'm looking for in a work environment!
My testicles now hang 6" from my crotch which causes me concern - they have been getting lower the last few years and I don't know how much lower they'll get. I've looked into scrotum reduction and contacted via email some doctors online, who have all told me I qualify for a scrotum lift. But after the reduction apparently they may sag again, though hopefully just like anybody else's do with age....
Alternatively I've been looking for other kind of resources on how to stop my scrotum from sagging more - but with no luck. I don't think I'll be getting surgery anytime soon, but given that they're a tad away from halfway down my knees, I will have to if they start getting closer to my knees than to my body! It makes me a bit self-conscious that they're hanging so low - I feel they're starting to hang like an old man's balls, and I hate to think what will happen 30 years from now!
Another Issue I have related to the size of my penis is that when erect it does not get all the way up. Even though it gets hard, it seems to be always sort of loose at the base and can't get up to even parallel to the floor. I clearly remember how when I was younger it would get up and aim to the sky, but not anymore... If this is what you get with a big erection, it's not a good trade I'd say, but I've read about many other men with large penises who do get hard and stiff, so I'm not totally sure this is because of the size.
What effects has this had on you - in and out of sexual
During sex, they do retract so it's not terrible, although my partner does comment occasionally on how low they're hanging, or how long my dick looks when soft, but most issues are because of the length of my penis. If I'm not careful I hit some spots (her cervix?) when I shouldn't and I hurt her, which has occasionally brought her to tears - now that sucks and of course makes it hard to have sex for the next 2 or 3 days until she's comfortable again.
I would like to avoid having to go through the surgery, I don't want anything cutting down there. During winter, the hang is not that terrible, since the muscles are working and it retracts some, but even so the right underwear is hard to find. It's spring and summer which cause more problems, but as I mentioned, I'll start looking at it more seriously when they start hanging lower. I still hope that they'll get better or at least stop where they are. I've had this issue only for a couple of years, so I want to take things calmly.