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|15 year old penis size embarrasses me||No urge to masturbate - no ejaculation at 17||My foreskin won't stay forward|
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1 15 year old penis size embarrasses me
Q: Hi I'm 15 and my penis is 4.5 inches erect, should I be embarrassed to tell my girlfriend how big it is?
A: First of all, your penis is a little bit smaller than average - the average being just under 6 inches in length. Whether or not this is a problem depends on your attitude rather than anything else, because a penis 4.5 inches long is perfectly fine for making love. As any experienced, caring lover will tell you, the most sensitive part of a vagina is just inside the opening on the upper wall, and it is shallow strokes in intercourse which stimulate this most effectively. Having said that, male values in society are such that a large penis is equated with masculinity, and you may feel inadequate because of this totally false connection. The key to feeling good about yourself and your penis can be the acceptance and love that you get from a partner regardless of your physical attributes. And of course when two people care about and love each other, they should be able to trust their most intimate secrets with the other without fear or shame. So I suggest you need to be sure that your relationship is strong enough, and that she is not going to betray you or let you down by gossiping about it. Therefore it seems to me the issue is - do you trust her enough to tell her? And if you are asking me that question, does that imply that maybe you have some doubts? In which case, protect yourself. Remember a penis this size is not unusual, but since it is a bit smaller than average, you may not want that information spread around. Even if you had a very happy relationship and fantastic sex with her, you probably still would not want anyone else to know about the size of your cock!
2 Gay Bi or Straight at 20?
Q: I've read most of all the material on your site and I still find myself confused with my situation. Basically I don't know whether I'm straight, bi, or gay. Finding out I was gay or bi would not bother me, I just feel confused that I can't figure it out for myself. To start out with I'm 20 years old, and still a happy little virgin, sort of. Firstly, I've preformed cunnilingus with a couple of girls in the past but have refused intercourse with them on several occasions. It just never seemed to interest me, and when they tried to bring it up I always got so stressed. Secondly, when I fantasize when I masturbate, I always envision myself to be a female receiving head, or simply masturbating. I've never used images or video during masturbation simply because I just close my eyes and picture myself as this girl. And thirdly, I find that I'm highly attracted to one of my female friends and two of my male friends. But I don't want sex with any of them. I'm pretty sure I'm much more inclined towards my lady friend but I still get the desire to kiss my male friends. I've discussed this with all three at length and they are fully supportive of me, but I'd like an outside opinion. Is this normal? Should I be concerned? Why can't I figure it out for myself?
A: Hi there, Well, why should you be able to figure it out? It sounds very confusing to me. In essence, the thing to do might be to work on accepting the situation, and then to enjoy whatever form of sex comes along. This experience will give you greater insight into what is happening for you, and it will almost certainly change your feelings as well (simply because any kind of experience has an impact on one's psyche, and I think this is especially true of sexual behavior). I think you are probably heterosexual with gay feelings, and I suspect they may fade as time goes by and you get more relaxed with women. But it doesn't sound like a simple situation, so rather than agonizing over it, maybe you could try and accept it. And, if any of your three friends are willing, experiment gently with them to see what it all feels like when you do it. (Especially, intercourse with your female friend. I think you would probably gain a lot of insight from this experience. If you can ask her without jeopardizing your friendship, why not do it? She can always say No!). Sex with anyone can be enjoyable, provided there is no intention to hurt.
Maybe the fact that you fantasize about being a woman yet you like women enough to try cunnilingus suggest that you are simply a bit confused about your gender identity. You may have over-identified with females in your past - eg were you brought up with a good male role model, or surrounded by dominant women? You know, that kind of thing has a major impact on us in later life and in forming our sexual identity.
3 Masturbation problems - my glans is too sensitive
Q: First off, thank you so very much for this wonderful service! I've got an interesting and unique problem and I am hoping that you can help me. I am only able to orgasm in one way during masturbation. OK. That's not unique. But the reason why IS! Let me give you a little background. I was circumcised at birth. However, I was cut extremely loose, and I've always had enough foreskin remnant to cover 90% of my glans. I'm 39 years old now, and I've kept the skin back down the shaft all those years because of social pressure not to look "different". Recently, I decided to pull the hood down over my glans and start non-surgical foreskin restoration to get back all my lost glans sensitivity. Indeed, after 4 months with the hood down, my glans is at least 4 - 5 times more sensitive now. But now my glans is SO sensitive to touch and friction that I am ONLY able to orgasm using my foreskin for masturbation. If I use a lube and stroke my glans directly, the sensations and pleasure are so INTENSE that at first, I get extremely hard, then almost immediately thereafter, I start losing my erection. Within 30 seconds, I'm completely flaccid.
I've tried varying the amount of lube with no success. I've tried varying pressure with no success. Before putting the hood down, I could masturbate and orgasm using my foreskin and by direct glans stimulation (with and without lube), all without erection or orgasm problems. Clearly, my body does not know how to react to all this new found sensitivity. I'm not sexually active right now, but I worry that when I am active again, intercourse and oral sex will be a real problem! Is there any way to "re-train" my body to respond properly and enjoy all this new sensitivity? My biggest problem is my loss of erection. I can't do much with a limp noodle!
A: Not a great situation! But also not uncommon. Many men have an incredibly sensitive glans which causes discomfort in the cold, or after sex, and it can even occur after a man is circumcised in adulthood to cure phimosis (which means you have a tight foreskin that will not retract). After being protected for most of his life the sudden exposure of the glans after circumcision may reveal an extremely sensitive surface which the man cannot even touch, and the friction of sex and masturbation may be painful. I don't know of an easy answer. The common suggestion is that men gradually expose the glans for slightly longer each day to desensitize it by rubbing on underwear, and I am sure that if you can bear the temporary discomfort, this may well produce the rougher skin that is characteristic of men with a circumcision from birth. This rough skin seems to protect the glans somewhat and may make it less sensitive. However, you seem to have an unusually over-sensitive glans, so this approach may require persistence! To see if any other guys have found a solution, I checked on Google. I found plenty of men with the problem - but no real solutions. You might like to look into the Manhood, a garment designed to cover the exposed glans: this helps a lot. You can find it here.
4 Couldn't get erect when having sex!
Q: I am 17 years old and I don't know if I have a problem or not. I was with a girl this last week, and I could get erect with her when she was rubbing my legs...but when it came to sex I couldn't. I masturbate a lot, could that maybe be why? Is it harder to get erect if I do that?
One of the things is I barely even knew the girl. I had no problem with getting erect before this, but now I am always thinking about it and it seems harder now to get erect. I tried to have sex with her but it just didn't work....we then tried oral to get started, but that didn't work either....I was about to come, but still wasn't really hard. Also the lights were off, so I didn't really see much. Before this I could easily get erect just thinking about sex, but it seems harder now. Any help with this would be GREATLY appreciated.
A: You are trying to have sex before you are ready! Your body may be telling you one thing but your head is saying "Hold on, I'm not ready!" And what's more you tried it with someone you don't know very well (if at all). You need to find someone you can build up love and trust with, someone who is a girlfriend, not a casual fuck, for your first time. That way you can laugh about whatever happens, not take it so seriously, and even (maybe) enjoy it! So don't worry - you'll be fine when the right time comes. Until then, relax, and concentrate on cultivating girls as friends, not sex objects. (Even if they want to have sex, you don't have to say yes until you are ready, you know!) More advice on first time sex: The Penis.com, sexual techniques page!
5 Her previous lover did better than me!
Q: I am 20 yrs old and have never had a strong sex drive. I have recently started a relationship with another 19 yr old, the sex is good, but she complains that her ex was able to keep going after he had orgasmed. I find it impossible to do this, as I lose my erection. Even masturbating on my own I have tried but I still lose it. Is there any way around this problem, or was she just lucky before?
A: Yes, she was just lucky! A few guys can do this but most cannot. The rest of us just have to learn how to keep going without ejaculating! That is not so hard to do - see, for example, the ways to learn it described on The Penis.com By the way, I hope the way she put this was sensitive and tactful. Telling your present lover about the ways in which your past one was better is not such a loving thing to do, no matter how frustrated you are.
Q: I am 15 and I have jacked off too much - the skin on my cock became really dry. It was so dry my skin broke and ripped. I can still jack off with no problem but if I lightly rub my head and skin sometimes it hurts. There's a little dark mark in the center of my penis and a little red or pink spot on the head. The penis has now healed but it seems to be more wrinkly than usual, mostly on the right side, when it's not erect. Is this anything to worry about? Can I get something to heal it, and will the wrinkles go away? Will I be able to have sex without my skin tearing? Please respond asap. Thank you.
A: I think you will be fine - just use a lube when you masturbate - like olive oil, or a lube sold for sex. DO NOT USE SOAP OR HAND LOTION! The wrinkles are just natural, and the marks on the skin don't sound like a problem, either, though if you are really worried, you could go along to the doctor's for a quick check up.
7 Erect penis flops around
Q: I just recently found your site, and I'm pleased to say it's been very informative! However, I'm experiencing a concern which I haven't quite been able to get an answer to from the list of other answered questions. My problem is this: During erection, my penis seems to get hard, as it should, down its length, and in the glans; however, it is very weak at the base. Therefore, while standing with an erection, it "droops" from the base, and it is generally very loose feeling - as if there is nothing at the base to support it, and the structure there has been damaged. It has been this weak for a few years. Before then, I remember it having a more stable base, but still not as strong as it should be. Over the course of my teens, there are times that I have been rough with it during masturbation/intercourse/etc (lots of bending/stretching) I don't feel any pain from this. I'm 18 years old, and have a 6.5 inch penis of average girth. I'm wondering if this condition can heal itself if given the chance, i.e. no stressful behavior to the penis for a period of time? If not, what else can be done?
A: I have come across this problem a few times, though usually in men who have injured their penis in rough sex or sexual play. They often complain that the "droopy" weak base feeling goes along with a change in their erections (which become weaker or the penis head - the glans - doesn't expand as it used to), though I guess you are not experiencing this since you don't mention it. However it still sounds very like the same problem, which I believe is caused by damage to the ligaments that run between the penis and the body. (These are the ligaments cut during penile enlargement surgery, a procedure which causes the penis to appear longer, but prevents it standing up when erect.) In my limited, non-medical experience of this, the weakness generally heals itself over time, though again from your account this may not be true for you. I think my best advice would be to get it checked out by a urologist, but if there is no obvious cause and your erections are hard, you can still enjoy sex and masturbation - but treat your penis with respect so as to avoid making things worse!
8 Too much masturbation has changed the way my penis looks!
Q: I have been masturbating more than usual this past year, almost once everyday since I have been out of work. I have slowed down now and may do it once or twice a week, but I'm still trying to reduce the number of times I do this. I'm a bit worried about some redness or bruising around the bit of skin that attaches the foreskin to the head of penis. I'll presume that this has appeared because of increased masturbation. When my penis is erect the redness almost disappears but when the erection goes down the redness reappears, it's more like a dark red but is only concentrated around the underside of the penis. It's not painful, it just doesn't look as healthy as it used to be. Is there any other way I can reduce this redness so it will look healthier? It's been like this now for a few months and was hoping it would mend quicker. I never have any problems with my penis or foreskin and I can keep sustained erections without any pain. I just don't want to make this redness get any worse.
A: I doubt that the change of color has anything to do with your masturbation. The skin of the penis is very susceptible to color changes for all kinds of reasons - temperature, hormone levels, age. As long as you have no pain or any other symptoms, I think you can relax and stop worrying! As always, however, if your penis changes in a way that worries you, you should go along and get a check up with your doctor.
9 I am not developing normally!
Q: I am seventeen years old and seem to be in the final stages of puberty. However, I have a very small penis when it is in its normal state. It seems to not have developed during my life, however sometimes it does appear to have a respectable amount of size while in its normal state. My erection size is just under six inches. My penis does not seem to have developed along with the rest of my body during my life. My testicles are also very small and during masturbation instead of ejaculating, only a small amount of cum runs out of my penis. Please help me.
A: I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I think you have to accept that you are one of those guys who has a naturally small penis. If you look at any penis information site you will see that many guys have a naturally small flaccid penis that seems to be undeveloped and immature in form - not like the thick cocks we think of as being the normal adult penis. This is genetic and there is nothing you can do about it. The fact is - you have a normal sized erection, and therefore you are a normal guy. As for your ejaculate, you might not know that the average volume of ejaculate is between half and one teaspoonful - it does not come out in large quantities! By now, I imagine you are thinking - no, I am really am abnormal, undeveloped, etc. What can I say?
So many guys go through these doubts and fears about penis size and ejaculate volume. And yet I know from both personal experience and talking to other men that it does not matter to women. The woman I am now deeply in love with just doesn't care about my penis size and the force of my ejaculation. Our relationship is about being the best, most caring people we can be. Sex is very satisfying and happy, and our enjoyment as lovers is not dependent on my penis size. And I know my worries about my penis size in the past were all just a reflection of my feelings that I wasn't masculine enough, and of my lack of self confidence, and my insecurity. Only by living and experiencing life will you be able to see that when you feel better about yourself, you will stop blaming your emotional unhappiness on your penis size! So I offer you this thought - you are normal, and a girl somewhere (or a man if you are gay) is waiting to love you - regardless of what you see as your problems!
10 Am I gay at 17? I think I am!
Hi. I'm seventeen years old and have known I'm gay for several years now...well, I guess I can't really say that since I'm still a virgin (with men or women), but I have only ever thought about men while masturbating and frequently look at gay porn. The thing is...I'm not out of the closet yet. I've thought a lot lately about coming out, but there's a little snag there. I have a girlfriend.
And I do love her more than most people in the world. She's extremely devoted to me and always talks about the future and huge commitments. I don't want to hurt her by coming out, but I feel if I don't do it soon, I'll go insane and probably miss a lot of opportunities to have great sex with guys my age. Not to mention that my girlfriend is very into the whole foreplay thing, and it is next to impossible for me to be aroused at all, never mind go all the way to ejaculation. I can't keep this up forever. What should I do?
A: No matter what happens, I firmly believe honesty is the best policy. You're living a lie at the moment, and that is disrespectful to her and yourself. But of course you need to be sensitive to her feelings whatever you say: you might want to think hard about how to break this to her before you go in with both feet! And you might also want to consider whether you really want to say you're gay, as opposed to just ending it. You will be taking a big chance, and my guess would be you do not have much support if things go badly wrong (eg word spreads, you get hassled by family/friends/ schoolmates). And what's more - you might not actually be in your final phase of sexual evolution - 17 is still a bit early to know if you are definitely gay, bi or straight (even if you do feel attracted to men). So be careful. Think it through, and decide if you would like to wait a year or two before making any definite decisions or before coming out. If you are sure, then read the following book before you do anything: Outing Yourself, by Michelangelo Signorile, published by Abacus. It's a book which tells you how to come out as lesbian or gay - a brilliant read, which helps you through the steps of letting the world know and be happy about the way you are.
11 I'm 14, I think I'm gay, and I want to play at sex with my friend!
Q: I'm 14 and I just recently found out that two of my friends are uncircumcised just like me. I always thought I was always different but I'm not. Anyways. I masturbate all the time and my friend Tony who is 13 masturbates too. I'm not gay but I fantasize about men and women when I jack off. Now that I found out Tony has foreskin like me I really want to jack off in the same room and maybe jack off together. We talk about sex all the time and about jacking off. We jack off at my house but we do it in separate rooms. He told me he would jack off with a guy in the same room but he would be under the covers. I really want to see his penis and jack off with him. What should I do? Should I pull down my pants and jack off in front of him? Would that help?
A: Your hormones are running wild at your age, and you are finding all kinds of thoughts, ideas, and fantasies exciting. Often fantasies like this are best left in the head, because if they are brought into reality they can cause more trouble than you would want! If they stay in your head, you can enjoy them as you wish, and they are under your control.
For the future, remember that in all sex, whatever age you are, the important thing is that no-one gets hurt or ends up feeling used or ashamed. Boys do often play sexually together in adolescence, and it may help in growing up and understanding more about how one's body compares to others', and in allowing a boy to understand how he feels about his own and others' sexuality.
12 Will women hate my uncircumcised penis?
Q: I found your site very interesting and I was hoping I could ask you a few questions. I am nearing an age where sex may become a part of my life. You see I am uncircumcised and was wondering if women care about that? Will they be grossed out? Since the glans tends to be more sensitive in uncircumcised men (including me) will fellatio be a problem? I am sorry if I sound vulgar but you are one of the few people I think I can ask.
A: It's good that you are asking the questions you need to know about as you learn about what it means to be a man, to be a sexual being, to enjoy your body as it was designed - for sex, for creation, for pleasure, for YOU (and your partner) to enjoy.
Most women come from places where the foreskin is a normal part of the penis. That's what they are used to. It's only in the US where it has been cut off as a matter of course, and even in the US circumcision is now losing popularity rapidly. On the anatomy page of this website there is a list of links, including one to the results of a survey that asked women if they preferred sex with a cut cock or an uncut one. Experienced women seemed to actually prefer making love to a man with an uncircumcised penis! By contrast, I have heard women say that a circumcised cock looks neat and that they don't like a long dangly foreskin, but I can also tell you that a woman doesn't care a toss what your dick looks like if she loves you!
So, in short, I really would not worry about it. I think a woman will just be glad she is with you and will love your cock - just as in fact you would accept whatever her vulva looked like if you loved her. (And women's vulvae do vary as much as men's cocks.) And, lastly, you don't sound vulgar - you sound like a man, getting what he wants and needs: information about life.
13 My pre-cum is just gross!
Q: Hi! I am a 19 year old college student, and I have a question. I have done some reading up on "pre-cum" and I fully understand what it is and why it occurs, but what I really want to know no one seems to deal with. I want to know if it is possible to stop it or at least slow it down a bit. I have noticed that when I'm with my girlfriend, I pre-cum. I know that this occurs in almost all men, but my concern is not that it is occurring, but the rate at which it is occurring. I have noticed that I pre-cum a significant amount, more than I would like to. It's usually enough so that I can press my pants to my leg, and feel a great deal of the inside of my pants being wet, maybe about 1/4 of the way down my thigh. Also, my girlfriend and I are both virgins and we decided that neither of us is ready to have sex yet, or even really do anything of a sexual nature, well, at least stimulating the genitalia. We hold true to this, and really only kiss, and yet this still this happens to me! Sometimes, I can feel it happening when I'm just holding her really close to me.
I'm already insecure with a lot of things in my life, and this is really embarrassing for me. I don't know if she has noticed it yet, because I try to hide it as much as possible. The spots on my pants really aren't too bad at times, but sometimes they can get bad. I have found myself only wearing dark, thick pants when I see her, to hide this all as much as possible. I love kissing my girlfriend, and being intimate with her, but unfortunately I have not been able to enjoy it as much as I would like to because of this problem. Is there anything I can do to stop this pre-cum from happening, or at least reduce the amount that occurs? A few drops wouldn't bother me, but dear God, it's like I have a faucet down there! Thank you very much for your help!
A: Well done for being so principled....but there is another side to this. Your precum response to sexual stimulation (even kissing) is very natural, and normal. In seeking to stop it, or deny it, you are actually seeking to deny the full glory and wonder of your God given sexuality. This does not mean that you have to make love just to celebrate your sexuality, but it does mean that there is no reason to be shy or ashamed of a natural & wonderful part of your body's activity. As for your girlfriend's response - well, I wonder if communication between the two of you is as good as it should be? There is no reason for embarrassment or difficulty between two people who love each other. And how do you know she would be embarrassed by it? She might be flattered that she turns you on so much - and this could be an amazing insight for her into her own sexuality and sexual being. I think you are not doing either of you any favors by seeking to cover it all up - I would be much more open, joke about it, and reassure her that she is sexy and loved as you do it. You might just be surprised by her response - and your own!
14 Age has made my ejaculation weak!
Q: I have always shot my semen anywhere from 6 inches to a couple of feet, depending on frequency of masturbation. I am now 46 and in the last few months, I notice that it no longer shoots out, just dribbles out. There may be a slight decline in volume also. I just want to know if the sudden drop off is normal with age. I fear I may have a sperm duct blockage problem. I realize from reading the forums that some men never do shoot, but I always did. Why the recent change?
A: Probably because your testosterone level is dropping - it does tend to fall around 40 years onwards - and the muscles which control the force of ejaculation are very dependent on testosterone for their strength and health. I suggest you try some regular exercises to compensate for the decline in power. You can see how to do this if you read about Kegel exercises here: http://www.the-penis.com/malesexuality.html (page down till you get to the picture on that page).
En Espanol: Problemas del pene - problemas y salud del pene
15 Masturbation / semen problems - it's changed color!
Q: Hi, I'm a 16 year old male who has recently ran into a problem. A few days ago, on Thursday, I had a normal ejaculation with plenty of white stuff in it. Well, starting Friday and on, there has been a lacking of that white stuff, and now it is mostly just clear fluid. I am wondering if the tubes which carry semen to the penis could be clogged, if I have cancer, or if I am just overall experiencing a hormone imbalance. I have been masturbating regularly for about two years now, and I am wondering if damage is being done to myself. Thank you very much for considering my question.
A: I don't think you need worry - semen is very variable in texture, and it often changes according to your state of health and what you are eating, as well as how long since you last ejaculated. Certainly masturbating is not going to cause a problem - actually it is more likely to keep your system in good order! If you are still concerned after a few days, go and see your doctor. But as I say, I don't think you have anything to worry about.
16 Numb penis through bike riding
Q: I have a problem that wasn't addressed on your site... or anywhere ELSE on the internet either. It is really hard to find good help online, so I'm hoping you can help me out. Just recently I've had less sensitivity in the head of my penis. It gets to the point where it is almost numb. It all started a month or so ago when I went for a bike ride. When I got back, my penis felt funny in my underwear, and I realized the head of my penis was totally numb. I figured it would go away. And after a few days, it did. My penis went back to feeling normal again. However, recently, this problem has returned. I'm still able to masturbate, though it feels strange, since I have almost no feeling in my penis head. I'm circumcised. Any help or advice you can give me on this would be greatly appreciated.
A: Cycling is a recognized hazard for men, as it cuts off the flow of blood to the penis and testicles. Read about it here: Bicycling Risks
17 Penis erection problems when having sex at 18
Q: I'm 18 and I've tried having sex 5 times and my penis won't stay hard. Is there something I can do to make it stay erect?
A: Wait until you are ready to have sex. You sound like you are forcing yourself before you are ready. Or maybe you are trying to do it with someone you don't actually want to have sex with? Wait for the right person and the right time. Sex is much more than a mechanical act - it is (or can be) an emotional experience as well. If you are not ready or frightened, or trying to do it for the wrong reasons - peer pressure, a girl you don't like invites you to do it, you feel you're old enough and you want to know what it's like - or if circumstances are difficult - you might be discovered, your parents are downstairs, you are in the back seat of a car, you're frightened of getting her pregnant, whatever - the result will be that your body won't perform. Things flow naturally when we are with the right partner, in the right place, at the right time. Even difficulties seem less challenging when you love your sexual partner!
18 Foreskin problems - it's only just opened up and my cock is too sensitive
Q: Hello, I'm 19 years old and I have never had any kind of sexual contact until now. I am uncircumcised and just until recently I was never able retract the foreskin back all the way around the head. Now that I have been able to, I find the head of my penis is very sensitive and I can hardly touch it without it hurting me. Anyway, I think my girlfriend and I are about ready to move on. I don't think it will be long until she oral pleasures me and I was wondering if I am going to feel pain during this? And will I ever be insensitive enough to enjoy this? This is embarrassing and angers me. Is there anything I can do to help this problem? How can I last longer during sexual intercourse if my penis is so sensitive?
A: This is such a common problem, especially among men who have had a tight foreskin and whose glans has been covered for most of their lives. Having said that, some men have a very sensitive glans anyway, regardless of their foreskin situation - this may show up especially after sex, when even the slightest contact with the glans is too painful to bear. For men in your situation, a little exposure of the glans, so that it gets more friction than it has had before, for example from rubbing on your underwear, may help. This is because it will produce a thicker layer of skin on the glans. Start by having your foreskin rolled back inside your underpants for a few minutes a day and work up to a few hours. This will be uncomfortable to start with, but it is the best way of achieving a more reasonable level of sensitivity. If your foreskin won't stay back on its own, perhaps another approach is to handle your glans yourself during masturbation, without lube. The friction may have the same desensitizing effect as rubbing on underwear. However, I should say that some guys take a very different approach - they protect their glans all the time: by keeping their foreskin rolled forward normally, by using a lubed (on the inside) condom during sex, and by never touching it during masturbation. Oral sex is generally OK if done carefully. There is no easy solution, and I do sympathize.
19 Smelly penis problems
Q: I am so embarrassed about the smell of my genitals - surely no woman will want to have sex with me?
A: All men have a genital scent, and unless it is offensive, I think you can stop worrying about it. These scents arise from natural hormones and secretions of the genitals, and they are designed to be sexually attractive to our partners. So you may well find when you have sex with a woman, that the equivalent female smell is a real turn on for you. That will help you realize that a female partner will think of your scent as attractive and arousing. The other possibility of course, is that you do smell unpleasant because you aren't washing enough. Well, that's easily remedied.
20 Sex / erection / masturbation problems - is my penis too big?
Q: I need your help - I went on to the Channel 4 sex page and they passed me on to you. I am 16 years old and have recently become fairly sexually active - but the problem is with my penis - 1 My erections are not hard enough to penetrate my girlfriend 2 I have a fairly large penis which can reach up to 9 inches when hard - but it won't stand up properly, in fact it won't even go half way, is this because of the size ? 3 I have never had a wet dream so far in my life. 4 I have no problem with masturbation, but I'm really worried I won't be able to have sex in my life with this problem. I know it's not impotence, but I'm only 16 - I'm sure you can understand how worried I am.
A: If you get erect when you are masturbating, then you are not impotent, so the problem is either that you are not having sex with the right girl or that you are trying to have sex before you are ready! You can't just turn sex on like a tap - and with a big penis (it IS big at 9 inches) you will have added fear - and your girlfriend certainly will. You may need to back off till you are a bit older and more confident. You might also find something useful here sexual techniques.
21 No urge to masturbate - no ejaculation at 17
Q: I'm a 17 year old healthy male but I think I have some sorta problem....well it's this ...I don't really ever have the urge to masturbate but when I do, probably about every two weeks or so, nothing happens...I begin masturbation in every which way I can imagine and know yet all that happens is that I get erect and a little precum comes out. That's it...no ejaculation, no orgasm and I can become soft fairly quickly....however about every 2 weeks or so I will have a 'wet dream' (nocturnal emission) where only a small amount of semen will come out with lots of pre cum....can u help me out with this one, I really think something is wrong and what can I do to help it if anything?
A: I think you may have a problem in facing up to your sexual urges - which is OK, because as time goes by and you get more aware, your sexuality will loosen up. The start of this process is to achieve orgasm by masturbation, which you can do whether you have a high or a low sex drive. I think you are simply not masturbating for long enough to achieve orgasm - maybe you get bored before you get aroused and give up! I think if you can fix on a fantasy that arouses you (male-male, male-female, whatever) and use that as you masturbate then that would help. Make a decision, perhaps, that you will come (have an orgasm), and that you are going to masturbate to orgasm, and set aside undisturbed private time to do it. Don't regard it as a chore, see it as a pleasure. Use baby oil as lube if you are circumcised, and do it naked if you want. Your body and masturbation are not things to be ashamed of - indeed, it is a pleasure given to us by God or nature (as you choose). Carry on stroking your penis until you find a way in which the movement is pleasurable,: do it with enough force to feel the sensations of physical pleasure, but don't do it so roughly you hurt yourself. Eventually, if you can arouse yourself, you will want to move your hand harder and harder until you eventually orgasm - but you need to reach a certain level of arousal for the process to go on to its natural conclusion! The best way to find a hand movement you are comfortable with is to experiment - but most guys use a circle formed from their fingers and thumb, moved rhythmically up and down the penis shaft and over the sensitive coronal ridge. Once you have enjoyed an orgasm, I suspect you will find your level of desire increases, because the process is inherently a positive feedback. And as you masturbate more, your level of awareness of your own sexuality increases.
22 Erection problems with first time sex at 16
Q: Hi I'm 16 years old and just had my first sexual experience but there was a problem that I couldn't get an full erection! I looked on a couple of web pages about some information to see what could be the problem and I think the reason is, that I had a can of bourbon and 2 cigs before we started and I here that can slow the blood flow to the penis? I was also was quite nervous at the time and I just like u to confirm or give me some advice on what I should do next time?
A: Yes, I think your cigs and bourbon and nervousness are the problem. You really need to make love for the first time with someone who you trust completely and feel very comfortable with, so that there is no pressure on you, OR with a very experienced woman who herself is so comfortable with sex that she can "hold" your fear for you while she guides you through the process. It sounds to me like you are not ready for sex yet, so I suggest you back off, wait a while until your head and heart both tell you you are ready, and then I am 100% certain you will find everything works well (which by the way, does not mean you will have fantastic sex - this takes practice and experience.)
23 Foreskin problems - my penis is so painful
Q: I'm 17 from England and uncircumcised. Here is a snippet from your site: "Question: On the underside of my penis, there is a small ridge. At the bottom, it is in two parts, and joins together about an inch up. Then it goes right up to the end, and finishes in a little point, just under the glans. It is soft, and appears to be just skin. It shows up much more when my penis is erect. I used to think this was normal, until I read a gay pornographic magazine, and realized that none of the men in the magazine had this feature. Nor have I seen any other pictures of a penis which had this feature. This ridge doesn't hurt or feel of anything and my penis works as normal, but I'm curious to know what it is. I'd be grateful for any advice. Answer: This is completely normal, and is simply a ridge of skin where the tube of skin that makes up the penis joins together when it is being formed in the baby boy. It is (despite the question above) a feature of all penises." I also have this!! But when I try to pull my foreskin back it makes the end of my penis so painful. It seems like my foreskin is connected to my penis you see. When I pull it back it pulls on the end of my penis and it becomes sore. I don't masturbate because of this and I've never had sex. I've never pulled my foreskin back past my 'bell end'. Perhaps it's sore for everyone when first starting? I don't know. Can you please give me some advice as I have not told anyone about this.
Q: I think your problem is unconnected with the snippet you sent me. I think you have either a tight foreskin which is too tight to retract back over the glans (bell end) - this is phimosis, and you can read about it on my site - or a short frenulum (the bit of skin which joins the foreskin and the shaft). In either case a simple bit of surgery will cure the problem..... what you need to do is ask your GP what he thinks, then seek a referral to a urologist (a dick doctor). This will get you sorted fast, and you'll be able to wank away to your heart's content. I know how difficult these things are....but they are also easily cured, and then you can have the full pleasure of your body and all that it can offer...so get yourself off to the docs as soon as you can. You can also search for Frenulum Breve on the Internet - this may produce some valuable information.
24 What to do with the foreskin during sex?
Q: I have a girlfriend and we are very happy together. Can I ask you a really stupid question....I have a foreskin which won't go back, but I am going to have an operation to loosen it. Meanwhile, I want to know what to do when I have sex. So, do I retract the foreskin all the way during sex and when wearing a condom? I don't watch porn movies and I don't really have a great knowledge of sex in these fine details. I know it's a really basic question. Can you try and explain your answer because I'm really not up to much knowledge in this area! Thanks for all your help!
A: That isn't a stupid question...how would you know the answer? You aren't going to ask your Dad, I guess! When I use a condom, I pull my foreskin right back and expose my penis head before I put the condom on. This allows maximum stimulation to the coronal ridge and the sensitive tissues of the foreskin. This is a good way of using a traditional tight condom. There are now condoms on the market with bigger head room, actually they're so loose around the glans that the penis can move more naturally. I haven't tried these, but I would guess that retracting the foreskin would not be necessary, as it would have the freedom to move back and forth inside the condom. During sex without a condom, a guy who has a loose foreskin, i.e. one which moves freely back and forth, will find his penis moves freely inside the sheath of skin as he thrusts back and forth in the vagina. So there is no need to retract a normal foreskin before penetration without a condom. Without knowing more about your exact problem, I would say it certainly sounds like you have a classic phimosis which makes sex uncomfortable. Until you get it sorted, why not enjoy massage, oral sex, and mutual masturbation with your girlfriend? If you read the sexual techniques page of my site, and the first time sex advice, you will find a few ways of pleasing her without penetration. The more orgasms you give her through oral sex, the more she'll love you - for most women, it's the fastest route to orgasm.
25 Erection / Masturbation problems - I've ruined my penis through masturbation
Q: Hi, I'm a 22yr old white male who is recently having problems with his penis and it's totally freaking me out. I'm a virgin, I've never been with a girl sexually, no girl has even SEEN my penis in person, and so my problem is really starting to tear at me, and it doesn't feel good. About 8 months ago or so, I discovered a web cam community where lots of people go to chat with each other, it was fun at first, kind of addictive. Then I found the sexual side of it. Girls from all over, all ages and races married and single were constantly talking me into masturbating with them on camera and hey it sounded like a lot of fun, how could it hurt, right? Well I quickly discovered how! I eventually found myself on this thing all day every day, masturbating A LOT: probably 8 times within a 24hr period I would say, but not always masturbating to the point of ejaculation, some girls just wanted to see it erect. So a lot of days I just got hard again and again but maybe only ejaculated like 2 or 3 times. I eventually stopped getting an erection as easily and I would sometimes orgasm and ejaculate while fully flaccid. This scared me a bit, but I didn't think it was any huge deal. Worse followed! I got to a point where I couldn't last very long while masturbating, like, I would ejaculate 10 seconds or so into it. Maybe not even that long. Eventually I also stopped getting as rigid an erection. Originally when I would get an erection, it would stand straight up and curve slightly upward. Now I can't even get a full erection, I haven't had a real hard-on for two months going on three.
It's maybe 75% of what it used to be, and it is somewhat soft, and points out straight away from my body, or at a slight straight upward angle away from my body but I can move it in any direction manually, whereas when it stood straight up, it wasn't very easy to manually move it up and down. Also my penis now BENDS TO THE LEFT where before it just leaned at the base a bit but straightened out no problem, no pain. Now, when I get an erection, at one place on the left side of the shaft it just bends. I can straighten it but it goes back. I've felt my flaccid penis while urinating, and my entire penis muscle on the left side, going down as far as I can feel, is kind of firm all the way down with blood, whereas the right side is soft. When I get an erection, the more of an erection I get, the more it straightens on its own, but like I said I now only get 75% of what I used to! I can definitely see a sort of inward curve where the muscle inside is doing something funky, doesn't want to fully engorge or something.
I used to achieve an erection that was maybe 7.5 inches max. And now, I get maybe 6/6.5 and it bends to the left and it's soft. The thickness seems to have stayed the same. All in all therefore, I still have the sensitivity problem, I can't masturbate and last long, I now have a 6 inch penis whereas I used to have 7.5, and it curves to the left and as soon as I touch it it freaking well spurts. I found your site and saw all about Peyronie's disease, and now I'm scared to death that that's what it is, because I have all the symptoms. And it's really bothering me almost to the point of tears, because I used to be content with my penis even though I had never had sex, and now here I am with a possible permanent penis deformity before I ever got to use it! And it was perfect before!
Q: You may have Peyronie's disease or not - it is impossible to say from an email. You will have to get a doctor to look at it. I think you may also have strained the ligaments that attach the penis to the body - they will heal but it is a slow process. As to the loss of length, you may find that this is because you have put on weight so your penis appears shorter (fat gathers around the base). If this is not the answer then you have to assume that you have got a smaller erection because the blood flow is less into the penis. This kind of change is often the result of injury to the internal cavities of the penis through vigorous sex, or in your case too much masturbation. See the next reply as well! And in your case, maybe there is a psychological component too - you are just bored with wanking, so your penis isn't working well? Who knows? The best things is to get some help with relaxation and maybe some counselling - you do seem to be pinning a lot of hopes and fears on your cock!
26 Erection problems - I was kicked in the cock
Q: I am 15 and I have a problem with erections. I used to always be able to get full normal ones, but for the past couple of months I can only get partial ones and I am positive it is not psychological. The 2 main parts erect fully but the bottom one (corpus spongiosum) and the glans don't erect so I get kind of a two-thirds erection. It's really embarrassing and I don't want to tell anyone about it. I think it might have been caused by me being kicked there but I'm not sure. How can I possibly explain this to my parents?
A: You must see a doctor...you cannot leave this! You are talking about your most valuable body part, with your whole sex life in front of you! Please see your doctor and ask for a referral to a UROLOGIST (a doctor who specializes in penis problems). These guys are doctors, they have seen thousands of penises before and will not be freaked out by yours. You really have to help yourself on this one, regardless of how embarrassed you might feel. The sooner you do it, the sooner the problem will be sorted. I have no idea what is wrong but obviously if you leave it, you could be risking ruining your sex life for ever.
Why not just tell your parents - or at least your Dad - exactly what you told me in your email? That you have a problem with your erections that you need to get sorted? You think it's impossible? Let's consider this. Your Dad is man. He has a penis. He knows you have a penis. He gets erections. He knows you have erections. He masturbates. He knows you masturbate. He has sex. He loves sex......and he imagines, proudly, I hope, you enjoying sex with a woman at some time in your life, and he gets pleasure from knowing how joyful that experience will be for you. He looks forward to you making your first conquest (even if he would never say it that way to Mom).
All in all your Dad knows how important a penis is to a man. He knows how important your penis is to you. He would not want you to be unhappy with your penis. He cares for you. He most certainly would be distressed to hear how you are suffering. Even if he and you are embarrassed, you can do this. Even if you have not confided personal stuff in each other before, you can do this. For goodness' sake, he is a man, he is your father; he knows about a penis and what it does! More to the point he knows that an important part of being a man is having erections that work and using them. You might both be very embarrassed about talking about this stuff (though I think you could easily get over that), but he isn't going to deprive you of the chance to get this fixed - quite the opposite, he is going to be helpful. And what's more, this could make you really much closer. So here is what you do: get your dad in a quiet moment when he is relaxed, and say something like: "Dad, can I talk to you? It's a bit personal and a bit embarrassing. But I need your help. About 4 months ago I was hit in the groin by a football (or whatever). Since then I haven't been getting erections / my penis has been hurting / I have been having pain down there. Can I make an appointment to see the doctor, because I'm now really frightened I am never going to have a sex life / something is wrong down there?" That's it. Then you are on the way to solving your problem like a man.
27 Erection / sex problems- my penis won't stay hard
Q: These problems aren't that major, and if you're too busy then it's OK, I'll understand. My girlfriend and I have just started having sex. We've been together for 7 months and are really close. I sometimes have problems with my erection. I can usually get hard during foreplay, but I tend to lose it whenever I reach for the condom packet, and by the time I've rolled on top I have to try and secretly masturbate a little to get hard again without her noticing. I've even lost my hard-on while inside her. I don't think she's noticed, but I'm sure she will soon. Also, I can't seem to make her orgasm. We will have intercourse for around 30 minutes before I come, and no matter how much I try she just won't come. Could she just be nervous or am I doing something wrong?
A: Well, I am glad you have found a girl you feel really close to, and glad also that she is willing to be intimate with you - this says a lot about your quality as a man...she must trust and respect you: women do not usually give their most valuable female asset - their body - lightly. And indeed, your care comes across, in that you want to make her happy, and get the most joy out of sex, which also fits the impression of you that your letter gives me.
The issues you raise aren't in my view minor, for this reason - sex is not a minor thing. Between 2 people it is the most fundamental expression of connection, love, trust (and sometimes other less positive emotions). But it is never insignificant! And as such, we all want it to work as well as possible. I think there is a lot of stuff on my website which might help you. You can read about sexual techniques, and ideas for better sex, and turning your girl on, here You can read how problems about loss of erection and so on are dealt with on this page: The Penis.com
I really hope you read it all because it is really good stuff (even if I do say so myself!). BUT having said all of that I just have a niggling doubt.....I wonder if you are maybe (just maybe) moving too fast in your body for your head to keep up with. By which I mean, are you coping well with the pressure of intercourse? Even if she is willing, you may be under pressure if you are both inexperienced and she doesn't have much idea about sex. You know what I mean? It is a lot easier for her to be passive and allow you to lead the experience than vice versa, because, obviously, the man often leads and is the more active partner in sex - he penetrates, she receives, and so on.
Now, as you are a young man with limited experience of sex, it does not surprise me that you say you sometimes lose your erection - this is a common sign of anxiety or fear. And it may not always be an obvious "fear" - it could be a fear of your girl not being satisfied (i.e. not having an orgasm), of you not performing to the standards of manhood you have in your head, or getting her pregnant, or any number of other things. Even, perhaps, that you don't really want to be having sex with her? (Just a thought. It might be so.) The thing that is clear is that your erection is telling you that something is bothering you. Now, how to deal with it? Well, I would say, first of all decide if you want to carry on having intercourse with her.
There are alternatives which would take the pressure off you - massage (very sexy and sensuous! - you'd like it, I'm sure - she certainly would! You might even try signing up together for massage classes), kissing and cuddling for long periods, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and so on. I think that if you didn't feel under pressure to perform, you would be a lot happier. Especially if you are taking the responsibility for her not having an orgasm. That implies to me that she is not letting go, so you may both have a bit of fear around sex which you need to talk about. (A man cannot give a woman an orgasm - at least, he cannot if she is unable to "let go" and have one!)
I wonder how much you have talked to her about your feelings and asked her about hers? Men often find that one of the greatest aspects of a relationship is that they can get emotional support and care from their womenfolk - and women feel very deeply valued and trusted when a man lets them know how he is feeling. I think that there may be a new level of communication for you in this relationship which will help things enormously. For example, are you both just assuming things about having sex? Are you both just assuming it is what the other wants but not really finding out what you both want from each other? Do you get my point? Good sex comes after good communication ! Let me give you an example. All men go soft sometimes during lovemaking. It is knowing that this is unimportant that matters. I see you say that you secretly masturbate a bit to get hard if you go soft - I wouldn't do this: I would actually make a joke of it, like "Oh bugger, I've gone all soft, what with trying to do too many things at once - get the condom on, make sure you're happy, not roll on you and squash you - let's do something else for a few minutes till it gets hard again", and then perhaps start kissing her tenderly and sensuously, or ask HER to kiss ME all over, or something, (anything nice, really). The point is that in this way the tension and stress of the moment is lost, and both of you (but you especially) can relax again.
And if you don't get hard at all - so what! You will have sex thousands of times in your life. One night without an erection doesn't REALLY matter in the grand scheme of things! If this happened to me, I would say something like: "Oh, damn, my dick's not up for it tonight. But I have an idea about what I can do for you...." and then gently stroke her body all over, which will work her level of arousal upwards until she is ready for you to masturbate her to orgasm, by gently stimulating her clitoris, or until she wants to do it herself. (This is yet another way in which good communication is needed - you can't bring her off without knowing how to do it, so you need to ask her what she likes to have done to her.) If you don't know what a clitoris is, see below.....I think one problem is that you are focusing too much on yourself and your performance. You need to flow with the experience more. Please have a read of my website and see if anything clicks into place for you.
Lastly her orgasm, or lack of it. Does she orgasm during masturbation on her own? If so, then she is obviously uneasy about sex. If she has never had an orgasm (she would know if she had - so if she says she doesn't know, she hasn't had one!) then you must take things gently, a step at a time. One of the preconditions for a woman to come is that she trusts and is comfortable with her man and with sex....perhaps she is a bit young and inexperienced? If so, you need to ensure she is comfortable with you, perhaps just cuddling her, stroking her whole body, not just her breasts, clitoris and vulva, and stimulating her by hand would be a good way to help her feel more aroused? She will have to be aroused before she gets to orgasm, and frankly, 30 minutes of vaginal thrusting is not likely to do the job, especially since this will not be stimulating her clitoris. (Do you know that very few women come just through vaginal intercourse? Women like and need their clitoris to be played with - gently - it is extremely sensitive!)
You know what a clitoris is, I hope, and how it is essential for a woman to get sexual satisfaction? If not, then for goodness' sake ask her to show you where her clitoris is and what to do with it - that would be a lot more fun for both of you than 30 minutes of vaginal thrusting with no orgasm! If she is shy, she will need to be sure she can trust you before she will open up and be this intimate with you, so gentle words of reassurance, about how much you care for her, would be good here. And if SHE doesn't know where her clitoris is, then you have another problem altogether! Read and learn at: http://www.the-clitoris.com/ She also needs to be turned on, which requires affection, tenderness and love on your part, not just vaginal thrusting. But don't feel down at the challenge of it all - sex is a life long experience, and you are only on the first part of the journey. You are also doing the right thing - finding out how to make it great!!! And I think, if you can overcome the challenges of shyness and lack of knowledge, you have a chance here of really good sex for both of you -so why not make that your objective? To learn how to be the best lover you can be?
Good luck, and enjoy your masculinity, and respect yourself, and her. And don't do anything you don't want to do!
28 Foreskin problems - it won't go back
Q: I noticed that all the pictures of men with erections on your website have their foreskin pulled back. Is it normal for this not to be the case? My foreskin doesn't go back when I'm hard, and I can't pull it back when I'm hard either because of the pain. Pulling my foreskin back and then getting an erection is too uncomfortable. Is this normal? Or am I doing something wrong? I hope you can help me.
A: You can read about the condition you have (Phimosis) on the problem page of my site. It isn't a disaster, but you would enjoy sex more if your foreskin moved freely over the glans of your penis. You can perhaps try the gentle stretching method to open it up: you'll find this described in one of the links. If you can't gently stretch it open yourself, you might want to consider one of the quick and simple surgical techniques (not necessarily circumcision) that a urologist can do for you to make things better.
29 Am I gay when I think of my best friend as sexy at 15?
Q: I am a 15 year old male and I have had a series of different emotions. I have always liked girls but lately I have been having thoughts about my best friend who is also a boy. Sometimes when I am masturbating he has came into my mind and I really enjoy it. I have even taken it as far as to shove objects up my bum and imagine it is him while I am masturbating. I was wondering if this makes me gay because I really enjoy it.? Also, is it safe?
A: I think as you get older you realize that provided nothing you do hurts another person, there is nothing which is intrinsically wrong. If you feel attracted to your friend, well, fine, enjoy it. Fantasy hurts no-one. But of course the problem is if you fall in love with your friend, and he doesn't feel the same way! That I think is the thing to guard against especially if he reacts badly if you reveal your feelings, and tells other people (it can happen!) So whatever you do, protect yourself at all costs! As to whether you are gay or not, the answer is that it is almost impossible to be sure. Sexuality evolves as people grow and get older. What you feel now will be different to what you feel in a year, two, ten or twenty. I know this may not seem helpful, but it is a fact. Would you be gay if you enjoyed sex with men now, and in ten years you weren't interested in anything other than women? There's no simple answer to the question. Like I said before, what really matters is that no one (including yourself) gets hurt by the expression of your sexuality, however it is expressed, and no matter what age you are.
30 Too much precum!
Q: Hello, I'm a 22 year old male who masturbates about 4 to 5 times a week, and I noticed the last few years my penis will drip come when not even hard and when I do get hard, I will sometimes drip even more, which makes my penis sometimes stick to my boxers. I have even had a woman ask me if it should just drip like that and I wasn't sure what to say! Anyway, I think this is a major problem and I'm not sure what kind of specialist to see. It's really embarrassing, even to think about seeing a doctor.
A: If this is precum that drips when you get sexually aroused, it is quite normal - and by aroused I don't mean in a sexual situation, just walking around seeing attractive women can be enough to get the flow going. Stop worrying - it's normal - and if it is a big problem, wear briefs!
31 Retractile penis is too small!
Q: I have a really small penis, my penis goes all the way into my body when I'm not hard and about 4 1/2 inches when I'm hard. I have found that when having sex, it's hard to keep my penis inside of the woman, even more when she gets on top, it keeps coming out and gets really frustrating for us both. I have also heard some parts of the woman you need to get deep into her vagina for the best sensation, like reaching her g-spot, is this true? What positions are good in sex for a male with a small penis when trying to please his girl? I have actually been dating this girl for about 4 months, and we are getting more comfortable with sexual stuff, but she is also a virgin, which in a way too me is good because she can't compare my size with other penises she has been with, but my problem here is how deep do you have to go in before your able to break the cherry? Is 4 1/2 inches big enough for this?
A: This size penis is actually quite common - and I would say, therefore, normal, even if below average. But what does below average mean? The range of human penis size is from small to large but they are all normal male penises! So even if 4 and a half inches is below average, you are in the company of millions of other guys this size.
As for positions, stick with the missionary and rear entry, hugging her close in the latter so you don't slip out. Her G-spot lies just inside the upper wall of the vagina, so you can easily reach that with your penis. But it will take her much longer to come via G spot stimulation than by clitoral stimulation. In fact you are going to come long before she does by vaginal thrusting alone, so I suggest you get hold of a copy of the NEWSEXNOW video which is advertised on my site and watch it. It will show you how to stimulate a woman's G spot with your fingers, so she gets some super orgasms even before you put your penis in her, then you don't have to worry about her being unsatisfied. Don't worry if it sounds complicated, the video explains it all. And most of all, don't worry - tell her what's going on for you - you don't have to be a stud! Tell her about your penis up front if it bothers you - that is much better than trying to hide it! If she cares about you, she will not mind how big or small your dick is! Of course it may bother some women, but so what? There are loads of women out there - and they do NOT all want a big penis, believe me.
Also, tell her that you want her to enjoy making love as much as possible, but you're a bit inexperienced, so if you fumble about a bit, you might want her to help you: eg - ask her to guide your penis into her vagina. Also, make sure to ask her to tell you what she would like you to do for her (eg stimulate her clitoris, give her oral sex, or whatever). Make sure you don't get embarrassed - just laugh about it with her!
Being a man during sex between a loving couple does not mean being a super stud - it means being honest, producing an atmosphere where you can enjoy each others' bodies, and letting yourself learn how to make love expertly, slowly and in a relaxed way. Sex is rarely earth-shattering the first few times between new partners anyway - despite what some men may say.
32 Dry penile skin
Q: For the longest time I've had this problem with very rough dry insensitive penile skin. There is no flaking or rash, it's just really dry. I do have sex quite often and masturbate with lubricants. It hurts too much to masturbate dry because of this problem. Can you help? And do you think it will ever feel soft to the touch ever again? Maybe there's something I can buy in a drug store?
A: I would just use a high quality moisturizing cream twice daily to keep the skin moist and soft.
33 Erection too stiff and upright?
Q: I am a 17-year old guy and I think I have a small problem with my penis. I find that my penis, although it looks and functions normally, tends to be way too stiff when fully erect. It is almost completely inflexible and begins hurting it I try to push it into a (more) horizontal position when it's standing up. From all the "information" I've gathered online, I haven't really seen any other men with this problem, though they are all older than me. I see most of them able to bend their penises in ways I'd have to be only 1/2 or 3/4 erect to do.
I was wondering if this might be a problem associated with testosterone production. I hear that testosterone has a hand in dictation the hardness of an erection. I think this may be a problem considering a bit of a "unique" situation I find myself in. The thing is, I developed underarm and pubic hair in the fourth grade, around the age of 9-10, and grew a goatee (the beard was all dark hair, though the moustache was a bit on the blonde side) when I was in the sixth grade (early 12), a little after my voice changed. I have always been a very large guy (5'8" in 6th, when I grew the beard), though I stopped growing in height around the 9th grade (6' or 6'1"). I was wondering if this could have anything to do with my problem. I have seen on certain forums that other teenagers complain about penises that aren't totally horizontal, but their descriptions were lacking, so I'd like to make sure of 2 things, since they did not also complain of its rigidity and inability to be bent downwards:
1 Is there anything I can do about this problem (as I consider it a problem)?
2 If this turns out to be a normal thing, about how long until I see it change naturally?
A: Good questions. I do get a few emails like yours, in similar vein. I have to tell you this is normal! In the sense that 10% of men have a rock hard, vertical stiffy. And, yes, it may be that it occurs in guys who have higher than average levels of testosterone. You call it a problem, but it isn't a problem, really. All that it means is that there are one or two positions where you won't be able to enjoy penetrative sex. But trust me - for the best positions an erection like this is fine, and for sex in general a rock hard erection is likely to be a lady pleaser.
I think the main thing you won't be able to do is doggy fashion intercourse, but you can still enjoy rear entry vaginal (or anal) sex if your partner is lying face down horizontally. I think you will find that by 30 your erections may begin to soften, but if you are a high testosterone guy, it may be later - say 40 or so.
34 Have I started puberty at 16?
Q: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE can you help me. I am about 16 years old and 3 months and I don't know if I have started puberty. I have got a few pubes under my armpits and around the penis but not a lot and I don't think that my voice has broken yet. I have also got no hair on my face or other parts of my body and I haven't got hairy legs. My penis is also still small. Can it be possible not to have started puberty at 16?
A: Yes, delayed puberty is possible. It is rare, and no doubt that would be most people's first reaction - meaning, of course, that they are saying it is very unlikely. But if you happen to be one of the guys for whom this is happening, that is just denying your experience. So I do understand your concern, and why you are worried. I mean, who wouldn't be worried! The problem is of course, that while I can offer you advice and some support, I can't do anything practical like getting you medical advice. Let me begin by saying that from what you say, I do think you need to have a medical check up to establish what is going on. It seems clear that your puberty is either delayed or going very slowly. This is not necessarily a big problem but you need to do something about it now. The longer it is left, the harder it may be to put right, and the worse you are going to feel. There are various treatments that can be used to kick start puberty, although whether or not these are appropriate for you is a medical decision that I am not qualified to make. Now, what you really need is an adult you can confide in. I am going to ask the question I always ask - is your Dad around? Can he help? Even if your initial reaction is "No Way" just think about this for a moment. He is a man, and he will know all about going through puberty, and what being a man means. (I hope. I am sorry if he isn't around or there is some other problem here for you. But what I say applies to other men as well, of course, and we can discuss that in a moment.)
He will also be able to understand how much of a problem this is likely to be for you - perhaps (not necessarily) moreso than your Mom will. You may think this is too embarrassing to approach him about - but, and it is a big "but", if you allow that embarrassment to stop you doing something about this, you are going to go on worrying and depriving yourself of your right to be happy - and, incidentally, your right to grow and develop normally. I mean both psychologically and physically. You could approach the subject like this: "Dad, can I talk to you about something very important......I don't think I am developing properly. I am not developing sexually like the other guys and I am getting very worried. Can we arrange for a medical check up?"
Maybe you could decide to do this regardless of your feelings of fear and apprehension? Also, you can think carefully through what you are going to say before you approach it. Sure, you will be nervous. Sure, it may be embarrassing, but, life is full of challenges and there are not likely to be many more important ones in your life than this. Be strong. Trust that everything will unfold for YOU, and give it a try. OK. How we doing? Too much information? Feeling swamped? I am not surprised. I work a lot with young people who are having problems, and I know how important having someone to talk to who understands can be. But let's go on. Your parents are the best people to discuss this with, if you possibly can. But there may be other options: do you have an uncle, cousin, brother, teacher you would trust? The school counselor? Any glimmer of hope yet? Yes? No? OK, how about going to see your doctor yourself? he obviously would have to liaise with your parents if treatment were needed, but your initial consultation could be "on a personal matter", and you could ask him to write to or talk to your parents if he decided anything needed doing. You would obviously have to tell him everything you could about how you feel and are, and he would want to examine you, but while this would be a bit (or maybe a lot) embarrassing, it is a professional relationship and he will deal with it sympathetically and understandingly. Plus, of course, he will have seen this many times before in his career.
By the way, don't worry about the facial hair - that is always the last to develop, often in a guy's twenties - but the other information does make me feel you need to get this checked out And also, I think if you are feeling exposed in public changing rooms/locker rooms at school, you need someone on your side who can exempt you from this ....maybe your doctor could help you there if you explained the situation to him, and told him you wanted to be excused games and sports.
35 Spots on my penis
Q: Hi I'm 15. I have many bumps on my penis: some have hair coming out of them and some do not. The bumps I am concerned about look exactly like the ones with hair coming out, though they are just a little bit bigger and have a black spot in the center. These bumps are not raised they are under the skin like the other ones. What can they be? Also, I tried to pop one and it wouldn't pop, so I popped it with a needle; a white substance came out almost like a pimple. Now I have a brownish black spot where I popped the bump. The bump seems to be gone but there is this spot there now, is it a scab? Or a scar? Can you please help me out here and give me some advice on what it is. It can't be an STD because I am still a virgin. I am too scared to talk to my parents about it and to see a doctor, so please help.
A: OK, well, stop worrying, you haven't done any harm, nor have you got any disease. But treat your skin more gently. If you squeeze, poke or what-have-you, sometimes you do get the brown pigment you describe forming - it's only a freckle-like thing, but it is a sign that you were a bit rough with the skin....so be careful. Ok, now I know you have read about Fordyce spots on the problem page of my site and you are assuming that the spots you have got are different because they have hair coming out of them...but actually, they are just the same thing as Fordyce spots. They are Fordyce spots which form in the hair follicles, particularly on the skin of the scrotum. They can also form on the penis shaft, and some guys do find that hair follicles on the penis shaft are a real nuisance (I mean, you don't really want hair on your dick....and some guys do have a lot of it, even half way up the shaft. There is no easy solution but you can always - VERY CAREFULLY - shave it off). And, yes, given enough prodding, as you discovered, you can get the white sebum which they contain to come out...but, as I mentioned above, this is not a good idea! The problem really is not that you have them - everyone, men and women alike - has them; they are completely normal! The real problem is that you don't like the way they look. Well, I am sorry, but this is something you have to come to terms with. They can, I admit, be unsightly, and some guys whose penis and scrotum is covered with these hairy white bumps get really pissed off about it....but...there is nothing you can do about it! When you get more sexual experience, I know - and you have to trust me on this - no woman will ever comment on them, find them offensive, or reject you because of them. They are part and parcel of being human. In any case, your future sexual partner is likely to be too concerned about the shape /size of her breasts, or the appearance of her labia, to be worried about your penis!
36 Masturbation problems at 12
Q: Hi, I'm 12 years old but still quite sexually mature. I've been masturbating for quite a while now and have been fine, but recently I've noticed that my penis becomes fairly soft after a few minutes of stimulation despite my efforts to fantasize it back to hardness. Also, recently I haven't been able to produce any semen from masturbation, I can gain normal orgasms, but can't ejaculate. What is going wrong? Could it be that I've been doing it to much and it has made my penis tired? Could it be that I've started at a too early age, and that my penis isn't mature enough too cope with masturbation too often? Please help, I can't think what's going wrong, and I don't want to tell my mum about it.
A: Yes, I think you're right, you're just trying to get ahead of yourself. Stop masturbating for a while, and you will probably find that the desire to do so builds up at its own pace, in its own time, until you are pleasantly able to do it again. I think maybe you expect too much of your body at too young an age...I think you'll find that in a couple of years' time everything is great. I am certain that if you are worrying about this, you won't be helping matters, so just relax, take it easy, and let nature take its course. You'll be a sexually active young man in no time, and then you can really begin to enjoy your sexuality.
37 Just started dating and I'm getting too many erections!
Q: I have a problem. I just started dating this girl and every time she sits on my lap or lays her head down on my legs or chest or when we get close to each other, I get an erection. I don't want her to feel my penis that hard for not even doing any sexual activities.. How do I keep from getting these unwanted erections?
A: I have some surprising news for you! To get an erection in these situations is a normal male response. Everyone does. That is how it is meant to be! Do you seriously imagine that a girl who fancies and feels attracted to you does not get sexually aroused in the same way? Do you not realize that after an hour or two being affectionate, close and kissing, she has a wet, lubricated vagina and feelings of arousal? The only difference of course is that as yet you haven't realized she is aroused as well!
Let's take this a stage further. She likes you - you like her - at some point you are going to make love. OK, so how does she know how you feel? Well, you could tell her. But she may also be delighted and flattered to feel your erection through your clothing (as your bodies press together while you cuddle, I mean), and to know that you want her. What makes you think that an erection is a bad thing in a girl's mind? Does it not occur to you that being wanted sexually and knowing she turns you on is a powerfully affirming thing for a woman, and makes her feel good? I think you need to read the sexual techniques information.
38 My cock is far too thick!
Q: I am a 23 year old with a serious question I was hoping you might be able to answer for me. My penis is of average length but is very very thick. I never thought about myself as being unusually large...I just thought all my girlfriends were being nice by saying so. I am no John Holmes or anything, but it is rather big. I use Magnum condoms, or at least I did when I used to have sex. My current girlfriend and I haven't had sex yet. She is a virgin. We have tried numerous times, but she always gets scared because I just don't seem to fit. I have had this problem before, but my ex girlfriend wasn't a virgin. We still had our problems, but we worked it in. MY main question is about condoms. The Magnum condoms are long enough but at the base of my penis I have a bruise when I am done. Also if I am wearing the condom my erection seems to disappear! It feels as if the circulation is slowly being cut off and I feel around the base and the veins are bulging around the rim. Are there any brands made specifically for a thicker, wider penis? I need some. I read about the Magnum XL, but haven't been able to find any around here. I would appreciate any advice on the topic.
A: I think you will find that if you work up to intercourse, reassure her by telling her that you don't have to make love till she's ready, etc etc, and perhaps use your fingers and tongue a lot to get her very wet and ready, then finally allow her control over getting you inside her vagina (the woman on top position would be good for that) so she feels in control, everything will be fine. I think some suppliers have Magnum XL if you search online.
39 My penis is far too sensitive
Q: I've been through your site and it's very informative but I can't find an answer to my problem. I think it's pretty unusual. You see the shaft of my penis is EXTREMELY SENSITIVE TO TOUCH. I mean, my foreskin draws back very easily with no problems there, but when the shaft is exposed thereafter it becomes very sensitive to touch, so much so that when I'm having sex and when the foreskin folds back automatically I have to be immediately wary of my glans touching anything. I've never had sex without a condom, and when I've worn a condom somehow it hasn't hurt as much. Is this normal? I don't think so! I've never masturbated by pulling back the foreskin so is that why I now have this problem? I wish I had been circumcised at an early age, then at least I wouldn't have this strange problem now. Is there anything you can do to help me?
Admittedly when the glans is moist it's not that bad, but still sensitive, so much so that I have to be wary of it touching a rough surface...is this normal? Of course when my foreskin covers the glans there isn't any problem: the problem arises the minute my foreskin folds back to leave the glans exposed. I remember a friend once remarking (when we were teens) that, if I wasn't rolling back my foreskin while masturbating then I'd have problems when I had sex. I guess that's what's happening to me now.
A: I know one guy who tells me his penis head is so sensitive that even rubbing on underwear is painful. He wishes he was uncircumcised so he could protect it. I don't think this degree of sensitivity is that unusual, actually. I think it is a big problem for a lot of men. The answer is to keep the penis head moist and lubricated, which is difficult if you have no foreskin. For guys with a foreskin, at least they can protect the glans. I have often been told that if you walk around with your penis head exposed in your underwear (i.e. the foreskin retracted), the rubbing of the material will desensitize it: I think that's true, guys who keep their cock heads exposed seem to lose some sensitivity.
Q: I am writing to you for some advice as I have what I believe are Fordyce Spots on my penis. I have obviously been very embarrassed and shy to tell anybody about this for a long, long time. I just hoped they'd disappear with age, but they haven't. Basically my scrotum and penis are covered in these spots, and it's not very pretty to look at - I always thought they were sweat glands, and put playing a heck of a lot of football down to it.
I had this problem as far back as I can remember... at least 8-9 years... (I am 18 now). Due to having this, I have always been shy about relationships and the like, although I am generally a confident person. I don't let it rule my life, and I do have a girlfriend. We have been together for well over a year, and although she's not fussed at why we haven't had a sexual relationship, or the fact that I don't let her look at me, it's fairly obvious why. I did fear this may be cancer of some type - but am absolutely way too embarrassed to tell anybody or show anybody (with you being the first). I have tried to get rid of them over the years, with different soaps etc, and constant washing - but they remain. If you could give me any further advice, perhaps a treatment I could get to lessen it slightly, I would be really grateful. I was gutted when I saw that it looked like almost nothing could be done about it.
A: Well, I will tell you one thing....you are not the only guy with this issue! I get hundreds of letters on this subject. But look at this way...you may have a lot of these spots, but at least they are not physically a problem. The problem is that you are depriving yourself of the joy of sex because of what you think your girlfriend might say...but really you don't know what she will say. Suppose she just doesn't care? Suppose lying in your arms being stroked and cared for is a lot more important to her than your spotty penis? Suppose she wants sex badly with you but is too shy to say so? Suppose she wants to make you happy and is frustrated and unhappy that you won't let her give you the pleasure of her body? And look at this question: are you going to remain sexless all your life ? Come on. Trust her. Get into a close cuddling session and tell her how you feel about her, but you are shy and embarrassed about a skin problem on your penis, which is inhibiting you from getting sexual with her, much as you would love to. (She'll like that) Ask her if you can take things one step at a time.
Start by sleeping (I mean, sleeping, not having sex) with her and cuddling but not letting her see you in the light, just enjoy being close. Then work your way to greater openness. I am sure as you do so you will find that it all comes naturally and you get where you want to be - in a sexual relationship with her (which is probably where she wants to be with you). And when you do, I am also pretty certain that you will find these spots (no matter how bad they are) matter a lot less that you think. By the way, most guys' scrotums are covered in them - that is actually normal. You may have more on your penis than other guys, but believe me, having seen some of the pictures guys have sent to me, I doubt it. But trust your girlfriend. If you have some fears around sex itself, then just ask her if she wants to spend the night in the same bed, sleeping and cuddling but not making love just yet. As you get more physically close and intimate your fears about your problems will diminish and fade away.
In essence I think you are doing her a disservice by trying to protect her from something she may well not care about. And in doing that you maybe even disrespect her - she has the right to know everything about you relevant to your relationship and decide what she wants to do on the basis of that, not have you make her decisions for her.
Sex is a wonderful thing. Stop depriving yourself of it any longer. Think how much better you will feel when you are truly united in a loving relationship. Everything I know about men and women from my work tells me she just won't see this problem the way you do.
And here is what he replied:
Thanks for your fast reply. A lot of what you say is true, but I didn't explain things in more detail as well. I actually live with my girlfriend, so obviously we do sleep together in the same bed and have enjoyed a limited sexual relationship (i.e. I have given her oral pleasure on numerous occasions, but have obviously not allowed her to do the same with me) We do enjoy a lot of foreplay. She has given me pleasure by wanking me off. But this has only come through me wearing at least my boxer shorts - she's never actually physically touched my penis or visibly seen it. Sex isn't really what's bothering me, or her (she doesn't mind - and she doesn't believe in sex before marriage anyway, and nor do I mind), but it's the fact that I don't feel comfortable being free (naked, allowing her to touch me etc).
It's the fact that she can walk about naked and I can touch/look at her which is the problem... She has questioned that sometimes... but, I have obviously found it a little hard to tell her why. It is pretty bad, and actually after looking at your website, I realized I had some on the rim of my penis as well (which I had never seen before - so I can imagine a lot of people suddenly see them and freak out, thinking they'd just arrived).
My case is pretty bad in the fact that it is all over my skin, as opposed to patches here and there. I feel more comfortable knowing it's more common that I originally thought, and that there are others like me who share this problem. I don't find it too much of a problem - I accepted a long time ago that it was not going to go away, no matter how hard I tried to clean it, so I've not let it affect me or get me down in that way. I thought it was something to do with puberty at one time, or a sign of dirtiness - I play a lot of football (wanted to go pro for a long period) and I thought that perhaps because I sweated a lot over the years, and more often than not didn't get home for hours on end, meaning I cooled down, stopped sweating etc, and by the time I had a shower the sweat had somehow got blocked up forming these spots.
Once again thanks a lot for your reply. It's nice to finally know what it is and that it's not really a major disease.
41 My cock keeps disappearing
Q: I was wondering if you had an idea as to what is happening, and has for years with my penis just about disappearing. Most of the time my penis hangs between 4 1/2 and 5 inches, erect it is a little over 7. I know this is a little above average. At times, and temperature has nothing to do with it, it pulls back up into my body to the point that the only thing showing is the head. I said temp. has nothing to do with it because if it is temp., my testicles also shrink back. In these instances, it's just the penis. I have tried to pay attention to when it happens and there doesn't seem to be a pattern. It happens frequently when I begin to get the urge to have a bowel movement, and happens many times, but not always after physical activity, such as a game of tennis or racquetball. This is especially disturbing because it's impossible to get it to come back out and it pretty embarrassing to get in the showers. It also happens at times when I am nervous or even beginning to get sexually aroused. You would think that it would be getting larger, but instead it just about disappears.
Is there anything I can do about this? I think it's got something to do with the nerves so probably not, but if you have heard of this and know how to stop it I would sure appreciate you letting me know.
A: This condition is so common that it isn't in any way unusual. I get loads of emails just like this. This condition is called the retractile penis and it is explained on the problem page of this site. It's all to do with the muscles of the pubic region / penis shaft / scrotum contracting. It can happen in the cold but it happens much more when a person is anxious. Don't worry about it...it has no medical significance at all. As for the showers, I suggest you lock yourself in the toilet and masturbate a little (not necessarily to orgasm) before showering, to get your penis back to full size.
41a My penis is retracted all the time
Q: I have a very odd problem, and haven't been to the doc, because it's just odd. It started one day when I was in a laser tag game and I was walking around, next thing I know I feel like my penis has disappeared! So I went into the bathroom and checked it, only to find that my penis is kind of sucked into my abdomen, kind of like a retraction, but in the abdomen. So I have the foreskin wrapped around the penis, and you can barely see the head, and it's in my abdomen. When I relax, the muscles relax, and it goes back to normal. This scared me to death the first time it happened. I figured that when I become nervous it does this. I'm confused, is this normal? I am circumcised.
A: I have had loads of queries from guys who this has happened to. It is so strange. The condition itself (the retractile penis) is very common, and there does not seem to be any way of stopping it happening. The mystery is why it suddenly does it! I wonder if it is something to do with reaching a certain level of testosterone in your body - I just don't know, but fortunately the condition is not a big problem, though it can be uncomfortable and annoying to see your penis shrink like this!
42 My foreskin won't stay forward
Q: I am 15 y/old male and my foreskin naturally retracts without touching it. When my penis is non-erect the foreskin pulls back over the head without me touching it. When I play sport the foreskin is pulled back and it is painful even if I wear jocks. Have you any suggestions?
A: One guy with this problem tried a little gentle stretching to see if he could lengthen it. You can find stretching techniques on any of the foreskin restoration sites. Even though you aren't trying to restore a foreskin, you might be able to make it longer so that it still covers your glans even when it has retracted slightly. Also if this doesn't work you could use a high quality skin moisturizing cream applied three times a day - that would make the rubbing of your glans on the material of your clothing much less painful. Good luck. I know this is a problem, and I am sorry to hear you are having the painful consequences.
Another idea is to try the Manhood - a protective sheath for the sensitive penis: I think it would help you even though it is designed for circumcised men with sensitive glans: http://manhood.mb.ca/ You might have to ask your dad to help you with paying for this, but I hope if you explained the problem to him he could be supportive - he is a guy after all, and he does know about penises - including the fact that you have one! This will not be a surprise to him!
43 My foreskin seems to be getting bigger - or my cock smaller!
Q: I looked through your site as well as others and have never seen anything about my problem. I call it a problem even though it's more just unusual I think. I am 44 years old and was circumcised as an infant. About 2 years ago I began to notice that there seemed to be more skin than before. My circumcision was, from what I have seen in the sites, what would be referred to as loose. Flaccid I am about 5.5 inches long, and erect right at 7. Last summer I knew that it was definite growth, as for the first time, my dick tanned with stripes. I have always been somewhat of a nudist. I am very careful about sun exposure, but do go for the all over tan. Stripes! Due to all of the excess skin bunching up behind my glans. Now, since sometime last fall, the skin does not stay bunched. It rolls over the flare of the corona and covers the head. I am talking the entire head plus about 1/4 to 1/2 inch beyond. It just seems to keep growing all the time. I know that it is at least 1/2" longer now than it was in November. To me this is not normal. I have never heard of it happening, but then again I don't really discuss this type of thing with others. I moved clear across country recently and think that if I talk my new Doctor he will probably think I am crazy. Have you heard of this? Will it stop? Can it be reversed, or will I have to be cut again?
I guess that I have never paid attention to what an uncut penis looks like and due to the fact that the only computer I have belongs to the company I work for I still don't know! Let me ask you this. My penis looks now like one that someone just cut off straight, blunt. I have noticed guys at the gym since this began, who are uncut and it appears as the skin tapers along the outline of the penis head and continues to taper to a point. I now have more foreskin than some of the guys that were never cut! Will the skin that is hanging past the end of my head shrink or taper to look more like it comes to a point? I hate the look of this. What can I do to either reverse it, or at least make it look like a normal uncut one?
A; My guess would be that what you are seeing is your cock retreating into your body more, maybe because you have put on weight, maybe because you have experienced some change in your levels of testosterone with mid life - and midlife does seem to be often the time when these changes in the behaviors of the penis happen. But if you can still get erections and enjoy sex, I would not worry too much. The time to do something is if you see some changes in skin color, texture, or any lumps and bumps or bends.
44 My penis head has twisted round
Q: I am an 18 year old male, in good health. I have been masturbating for about 5-6 years. I masturbate by rubbing my penis against the inside of my left thigh, using my right hand. I have tried other methods, but this one seems to be the most satisfying. Before I started masturbating the head of my penis was at the normal or standard position. After several years of masturbating using the previously described method, I noticed that the head has rotated almost 90 degrees. I know that this does not cause any sexual problems. I would however, like to have the head back to it's normal position. Is there any way to do this. I don't mean surgically, maybe through exercise (spelling?) or through "training?"
A: I am inclined to think that the rotation is not actually due to masturbation, but is a growth related thing. This is not particularly common, but it does happen, and it happens to guys regardless of how they masturbate - I must say though that it is possible the friction has speeded up the process. You can see a picture of this head rotation at Penile shaft and glans photographs I think if you look at your raphe (the line of skin running along the underside of your penis) you may well find it is slightly askew, and doesn't run down the center from base to tip - this would be a sure sign that your penis has twisted through growth, not masturbating. Many guys have the problem, though ninety degrees is one of the more extreme cases - to be honest, I would feel inclined to leave it alone, because I don't know what effect exercises might have. If you really want to check it out, you could consult a urologist - there is an operation which involves removing ("degloving") the skin of the penis and rotating it then reattaching it - this straightens the penis though of course you need a professional opinion to tell you if this might be a solution in your case.
45 I have a curved penis
Q: I'm 21. I'm a virgin. I find it hard to approach women. I think I shy away from it because I have a curved penis. I thought that I had Peyronies, but I looked at the pictures at your website and according to those, I am normal. My penis isn't shaped like a J or anything, but it curves upward a little and when I get aroused it raises up against my stomach. I feel that sex would be embarrassing more than pleasurable because women are used to straight dicks. I'm afraid I'll be humiliated.
A: Well, I think you sound as though your penis is quite normal, which means that your problem is more one of confidence than anything else. I know it can be be very difficult to approach women if you have not been brought up in a way where your sexual confidence has been encouraged. But of course for every guy like you and me, there is a woman in just the same position, and they are just as desperate to meet you as you are to meet them. All you have to do is allow yourself the possibility that when you meet a woman who you feel, deep down, to be a kindred spirit, and who likes you, that you can explore a gradually increasing level of intimacy with them. If you can manage to explain to her how you feel - I am shy, I lack confidence with women, I don't know what to do, but maybe we can have fun finding out (that kind of open communication) - she is going to respect you so much as a sensitive caring man that she will practically regard you as a hero, and be much more receptive to intimacy. Remember that the key to human relationships is respect and communication (and honesty) and you will find the right woman not only comes along, but seems very eager to make love to you.
Provided you can open your heart to her, and accept that you are going to have to learn how to make love (as every man does) then I am certain that you will find sex and love come more easily to you than you could ever have imagined. Have confidence in your masculinity. Enjoy your sexuality, and be prepared to share it with a woman you trust. That way, you will find happiness.
46 My cock has peyronies - the penis shaft is shaped like an hour glass
Q: I am 22 years old and for the past 2 weeks have been suffering from what I believe to be Peyronie's disease. I have been sexually active since I was 17 and when I was 19 I one day discovered that my penis had taken on an hour glass shape on occasion when flaccid. I would say it took that shape about 65%-70% of the time when it was soft, but never when hard. Then, out of nowhere, two weeks ago I felt a strange numbness and noticed that my penis seemed to have shriveled. I can still get an erection, but it is difficult and the penis is much smaller than it usually is when flaccid. The hour glass shape is constant until I get an erection, but when flaccid it is as if my penis almost completely retracts. The shaft itself seems much more narrow than it usually is when flaccid. There is no pain when I urinate, but there is a kind of numbness. I am extremely afraid and do not want to risk anything. All I want is to go back to normal. Please help me! What should I do? What can I do? I am scared and ashamed to go to the doctor but will if I need to.
A: Ok, I am not a doctor, but I can give you my opinion. I do not think this is classic Peyronie's in the sense of a hard plaque forming in the shaft of the penis which then bends the erection. Rather, I think this narrowing is the product of damage to the internal erectile cavities of the penis, which then respond by forming much less flexible scar tissue, which produces exactly the physical characteristics you describe, especially the hour glass shape and the restoration of a normal appearance on erection. There is nothing I can do for you here. You have to see a specialist - a urologist. And try to see one in a major center like a University teaching hospital, where the expertise is better. Whatever you do, don't go to some small town hick doctor. An expert will be able to diagnose exactly what is wrong. I suggest you take some digital or Polaroid photos showing your penis in as many different shapes as possible.
47 My cock is too hard and upright!
Q: I'm writing about a problem which IS listed on your website, but has only a short answer. My penis lays flat against my belly when it is erect. This is fine, but it usually WON'T bend down (it HURTS to try), which limits sexual positions a great deal. Oftentimes, after a long period of intercourse, it bends down, and then more positions are possible, but then the penis is also less hard/long/big, even though I CAN come when it is in this state. I am in a committed relationship, so some of the stress is alleviated, but still there are unpredictable problems. Sometimes my girlfriend lays on her stomach, and I enter her from behind. Then, we try for her to get up on her knees ("doggie style") and I get very nervous, because sometimes I lose my erection in this situation. Because if my penis doesn't want to bend down at a certain time, it either won't, or I'll just lose the erection (like the penis gets softer in order to bend, but then it just goes away) . . . . or I just lose the erection because I'm nervous about all this, etc. . . .any words of wisdom? Have you heard of this before? Can I get my penis to be more flexible and yet retain its hardness? any comments greatly appreciated.
A: Yes, I have heard of this, and take it from me, the men who have such a hard upright penis all say exactly what you say. I am sorry but my answer has to be the same - you have no options here but to adapt to the situation. As the years go by you will find it gets less hard and upright - though that is hardly a comfort!
48 My cock is twisted along its length
Q: I have begun to notice that when flaccid, my penis has a twist along its longitudinal axis. In other words, the bottom of the head faces right when limp. As I obtain an erection, the twist comes out and translates into a slight curve to the left when erect. The curve is consistent along the length of my penis so I do not suspect Peyronies disease. The stupid part is that I can't remember if this has always been a problem or whether it just appears to be worse. I think I have always had the curve, just can't recall how much. There is no pain associated with the erection, masturbation or intercourse but I just don't like weird things going on down there
A; The explanation lies in the development of the penis, where one side of the internal cavities is larger, longer or more stretchy than the other. My guess is that you have always had it but that it has progressed a bit as you have got older. However, I don't think it is any cause for concern, and certainly if your erections are just as good as ever, all I can say is - don't worry about it.
Q: My new boyfriend has an unusual penis. It is abnormally long (over 9 inches) pretty thick and several colors. I have come to the conclusion that over the years of his penile growth that the skin changed colors due to stretching and such. Let me give you a description: The head is a light pink color, the base of the shaft is slightly darker than his tan skin and for about 3 inches in between it is very white and has a few blotches of dark brown. haven't drawn any bad conclusions, but yet I am compelled to find out if he has some sort of disease that can be passed on to me. I am afraid to ask him to go to the doctor and have it checked out.
A: The skin around the base of the penis shaft is often darker than other skin, as is the scrotum, especially in men who have a little non-Caucasian blood in them. The light color of the tip is of no significance - the glans of all penises are different - they can be pink, red, purple, bluish - it varies a lot. And the lighter bit in between is almost certainly a circumcision scar, which is always a different color to the rest of the penis.
50 Why is my penis retracted?
Q: Why does my penis shrink? It doesn't hang like normal. It seems to go inside and be a little stub. When it gets hard it grows pretty long. Is this a medical problem?
A: No, it's normal. About 3% of men have this condition.
51 My guy has a small cock and balls
Q: I am dating a man with a small penis and small testicles, they are actually floating testicles and when not in the scrotum, the scrotum seems very small. He states he had a pelvic fracture and was in a body cast during Vietnam, but that would make him in his early teens, he would have been formed already. Is there anything he can do for this? I have not had sex with him yet, and I am fearful he will get lost in my vagina. He is probably about 4 or so inches long and about an inch if that in width. I have always been attracted by larger penises, I am not sure that this will be a good thing? Otherwise, he is a wonderful man, very attractive with a nice body and mind. It's just his penis I don't like, it's too small.
A: Well, my response is that you are not in love with him, because if you were, these things would not matter. So maybe that's the issue for you - do you want love or sex? Or maybe you just need to relax into this, accept that not all human beings are created equal, consider if he would be a good father and husband, would meet your emotional needs and offer you support. And how about taking him to bed and seeing if he is a caring lover who can make up for his penis with his hands, tongue and lips? Life is what you make it, so stop being so soft and decide what you want, and, having decided, stick with it.
52 I damaged my penis and it won't stay hard
Q: I think I have a little bit of a problem, though it may sound strange. It all started a couple of months ago when I was sitting home watching a porno movie when it happened. I was masturbating, and I accidentally knocked my forearm on the tip of my penis when it was erect, and I think I may have damaged the tissue. Since this happened, whenever I contract my penis muscles, the head does not enlarge. Not only this, but my erections have been less hard. I saw a website with a guy complaining about a similar problem, saying that his penis seemed to have been "broken after banging it hard during sex." I think I may be faced with the same situation.
Moreover, it feels as though the penis is not attached to my body. Since the incident, it seems like just a limp hollow tube with little or no capacity for a satisfying, full on erection. Though I can still ejaculate, my penis is less sensitive to touch and it's difficult to make it stiff. This has given me a bit of a complex, making me feel semi-masculine. I hope the problem is fixable because it's been bothering me for a couple of months now.....
A: I have heard of this kind of thing many times. First, I am sure if you had broken your penis you would have felt great pain and heard a crack so loud that you would know it.
This seems to be a kind of injury people experience from time to time which leads to the symptoms you describe. I think it does heal, but it takes a long time. I think that part of the problem is damage to the ligament attaching the penis to the body, which fits with what you describe. I am not sure why the erection becomes less firm, but the men I have talked to with this problem, all say the same things as you have described. I think you should go and see a urologist, who will be best able to advise you what to do next to help the healing process.
53 Just how long do sperm live?
Q: I recently gave my boyfriend oral sex. Before he came, I pulled off his penis and we jacked his penis off together. He came and a little bit of his cum got on my hand. I wiped my hand on the bed. Then, not thinking about the fact that he had just cum, I touched my clit and vagina. I never inserted a finger into my vagina, but I touched the area around it. About ten minutes later, I went to the bathroom and wiped myself down there, making sure my vagina was completely dry when I was done. Can I get pregnant if there was a little bit of cum on my hand, and if I can, what is the likelihood of this happening?
A: The answer is very low. But all things are possible.
54 How do I know if I am gay at 14?
Q: I am a 14yr old from Australia and what I want to know is am I gay?? I have deep feelings inside me that say I am not gay and I am about 80% sure I am straight. But I get aroused when I look at naked men or porn and seeing two men together just gives me this feeling . What is it like? I ask myself. I love looking at pictures and stuff to get hard but I know I am not gay because I also get hard by seeing naked women and/or lesbians.
A: You are probably not gay. So why are you excited by pictures of men? Well, I know it's a common thing people say, but it is true - you are at an age when your hormones are running wild, and you're sexier than you'll ever be again, while your sexual urges have not settled down and stabilized. Look at it this way - men have cocks, and cocks are sexy - a fact which you will know to be true if you have ever become excited looking at your own penis and testicles, or even just your own body. Therefore, without much sexual experience with other people to help you learn what excites you, at this stage of your life you are responding sexually with arousal to anything that has a sexual connotation....including men having sex.
One example of this is the way some teenage boys have sessions of sex play with each other (mutual masturbation, mostly) which they find very arousing and sexy, but which does not mean they are gay - nor do they think of themselves as gay because of it.
By the time you are in your late teens, I am sure you will find that your sexual desires have settled down and you are more certain of your sexuality.
55 How do I know if I am gay at 13? I like being naked with my friends
Q: Hello. I am only 13 (almost 14) years old. I think I might be bi, I'm not sure though. I don't really have a story, more of a question actually. I have this friend. And we sometimes feel each other. I really enjoy it! We're both hard and we have fun. But all we have done yet is feel each other. I really want to do more, yet I really don't. I mean, I want to do more, but I think I'll regret it later. I really want all my firsts to be with a girl. I know, it sounds sorta stupid, but I think I will regret it if I don't. What I really need help with is should I go further with him, just stick to feeling, or stop all at once? We have been doing this for about three months now. I really don't know what to do. I sorta want to just keep what we are doing, but I don't know if that will make me gay from the experience or I will regret it later. And I really want to do more with him. I know he wants to do more, but like I said before, I sorta want all my firsts to be with a girl. I think I am saying that because I will regret doing these things later. I'm not sure if I will regret doing these things later, in fact, I don't have a clue If I will regret it. Just a while ago, we got into each other's sleeping bags naked, and I really enjoyed it. I don't have any regrets at the moment either. I don't really know what to do though. Go further with him, keep what we're doing, or just stop? I could really use some help if you can. Am I gay or not?
A: You seem very confused, and that is understandable. Many young men have feelings of desire and urges towards experimenting with other guys, but probably don't act on them - this means they have less confusion than you have: after all, acting on your impulses towards other guys, getting physical, and then finding that you like it is going to make you wonder if you are gay or bi. But the answer I am going to give you is just the same as it would be if a guy had written to me and said that he was thinking about getting sexy with other guys, of fantasizing about men masturbating, and did that mean he was gay? The answer's just the same for you: probably not.
Think about this: you're sexier than you will ever be again, because of all the hormone raging around in your body, you're experiencing new sexual thoughts and feelings because of this hormone, but you haven't established what you really like and want from sex yet because you're too young, and you haven't had the chance to try things out and build up experience.
No wonder, then, that everything associated with sexy thoughts and feelings seems exciting and appealing. This includes naked bodies of both sexes, penises, vaginas, and much more besides. But the fact that the thought or sight of these things makes you sexually excited now does not mean that they are going to when you are older. In other words, you can't say that you are gay or bi at the age of 13 or 14 just because you are experimenting with sexual thoughts and feelings with your friend. I am not saying you should go ahead and act more on these feelings - you are mature enough, I think, to make that decision for yourself. What I am saying is that many teenage boys experience "same sex" play and it does not mean they are gay, nor does it make them become gay. That last statement is very important - I believe your sexual orientation is pretty much fixed by the time a person is your age, but that most people have to confirm it for themselves through their sexual experiences.
You might like to read more at : http://www.jackinworld.com
56 Hypospadias & foreskin restoration
Q: I have searched extensively for information on Foreskin Restoration with Hypospadias. On each separate subject I can find lots of info but cannot find any concerning guys with MILD hypo who are trying or have succeeded in foreskin restoration. Can you tell me where to find this? More importantly, do you think it should be possible to restore given a broad blunt glans and opening just on the underside of the glans? I have posted in both Yahoo forums to no avail. I have tried restoring for 4 years plus and although gained some skin, it refuses to stay forward at all. My hypo fits the profile of one of your contributors on the Hypospadias page i.e. 'The glans of my penis forms a sort of hood. I do not appear to have a frenulum and there is no foreskin on the underside of the penis, whilst the area at the base of the glans on the upper surface still has the remnant of a foreskin. I am capable of urination and ejaculation, and my erection does not appear to have been affected'. Thank you.
A: I have had another query like this, so you are not alone! I actually think you are not going to be able to produce a result that is aesthetically pleasing...and I also think you need to be careful because of the possible fragility of the underlying tissue where the urethra opens. I am not suggesting that pulling the foreskin forward would necessarily damage the underlying tissue and make any structural deficiency of the penis more obvious, but I think there is a chance that it might.
57 I damaged my cock and now it won't stay erect
Q: I was masturbating a few months ago and I accidentally knocked my penis a bit too hard. Ouch! It hurt. I don't know what I may have done but my erections have not been as full ever since. They don't stand up as straight. I have to stimulate it with my hands in order to make it erect, and the erections are kind of weak. I don't know whether I damaged the nerves, the spongy tissue, or the ligament at the base of the penis. This problem seems to have increased over time. When I try to contact the sphincter muscle, the penis can barely stay erect. It's like the blood doesn't stay inside the penis long enough I think. Do you think this is a combination of damaged tissues or just one type of tissue? I've also been experiencing a slight shooting pain in the shaft of my dick every now and then, though it is light. I went to see a urologist and he examined me with his hands. He said there was no evidence of Peyronie's, so I'm thinking if that's not causing it, then what is? I've considered looking into getting an MRI done to see if there is anything going on I'm not aware of that may or may not be fixed. Please write to me if you can propose any ideas to what may be causing it. Your input would be so greatly appreciated.
A: This does seem to be the way that the penis responds to a certain type of injury - and I think it is ligament damage around the base of the penis. Why this particularly affects the blood flow to the head, I do not know, but I can tell you that I have had a lot of emails from men with these symptoms. I think you will find that over an extended period of time things return to normal.
His reply some months later:
I asked what you thought was causing my dilemma with my erection. I haven't been able to achieve a full on erection in quite some time [several months, to be more exact] and I am sort of in the dark as to why this is. I did knock it kind of hard one time jacking off yet I was not not aware of any snap or breakage. The penis did not turn black or blue yet it was sort of painful, though it did not last long. Now when I contract the sphincter muscle the penis muscle the penis can't seem to enlarge itself as well or maintain sufficient blood flow long enough to give me a satisfying erection. I average maybe one erection a day this past week, and that's in the morning. I can't seem to stimulate it enough to masturbate even. This past week I've been impotent, over the past several months before this occurred I was still able to maintain an erection. But here is the funny part: for some time after my incident I noticed a change in the feel of my penis, it seemed less elastic, yet I was able to maintain a satisfying enough boner, now it seems even more so. Do you think this is Peyronie's or an injury at the bass of the penis with a ligament? I went to the urologist, he said he didn't think so yet he didn't propose any solution. He did not verify whether not there was nerve damage or vascular damage, he said it was highly unlikely. The abnormality is the penis head especially, it can barely enlarge itself. The problem seems to be coming from the base of the penis, though he felt it and said everything seemed okay, yet I know something is wrong. My left foot is slightly numb; could this imply something neurological? I would appreciate any sort of advice, thank you very much.
My response - this is what so many guys tell me. The docs find nothing wrong, but they know their cock is not behaving like it used to. I think it is an area ripe for investigation - what causes this combination of symptoms ? - the head not swelling, the ligaments loose, the tissue not getting erect? And no one seems to have any answers! I do know though that healing takes place very gradually and usually things turn out all right - but it does take months. You might also want to check with a chiropractor to see if there is any nerve problem causing this pain.
58 Cock size - what guys with a small penis think about themselves
Q1: I've just recently turned twenty and I'm still a virgin. Fortunately, I have met a woman within the last month and I'm happy to say that the virgin status seems to be in jeopardy. The only problem is that I'm somewhat concerned about my penis size. The best measurements I can produce are 5" long and 4-3/4 around. I realize that this is below average penis size by almost anyone's standards, but how far off am I? Is a penis of five inches in length in the freak of nature category or is it simply a little below average? How would the average women woman usually react to such a small one?
Q2: Hi, I'm a 20 yr old Gay male. My penis size is 2 to 3 inches when soft, and about 4 or maybe 5 when hard. I have to admit I think a BIG part of my depression is based on my penis size, and I just can't seem to get over it. It's like I obsess over it and it's not good for me. I'm so hard on myself that it doesn't even work at times, like it knows that I'm unhappy with it. At times I get so embarrassed when another guy is so much bigger than me, which is usually all the time. I just don't know if I will ever get over this. Also I'm a tall guy, I'm 6'3", so everyone automatically thinks I'm hung. And that bothers me... I mean I wish I were, but I guess there's nothing I could do about that. I really have low-self esteem over my penis size. What I'm wondering is how do men who are small in size, get over it. Or feel better about themselves? I can't even believe I'm typing this letter...
Q3: I'm different from many of you based on what you're saying. You see, when erect, I'm just a shade under 6 inches length... average. I've never had any problems slipping out during intercourse, or even had a partner make any reference to being small. My problem is when I'm flaccid. I shrink up a lot! Like 1 inch type size. It's not long enough to hang... it just sort of sticks out one inch. I've always been mortified to get naked at the gym. I've wanted to sport an erection some times so people would know I wasn't so tiny, but I never have. Is anybody else in my situation?
Q4 After many years of feeling like I had this big secret about my penis, here we can just be honest about it. I'm 31, still a virgin, gay, and picture this: half a thumb where there should be a penis. But this little guy belongs to me. And now I just gotta get over it (this site has started that process), get myself a sex life and just know that I can cope with the consequences. I'm in Australia and want to hear from other small penis guys so that my path will be a bit easier. I'm hoping to offer the same kind of support. Some of the ways that having a small penis has affected my life: * I tend to take an arms-distance approach with friends. It's like I'm their friend, but my life is a secret. Why? Because I get pangs of paranoia that they are wondering why I don't have relationships when they're all in-and-out of relationships with frequency; * I didn't learn to swim when in high school because it meant that I would have strip bare in front of other hung guys (I used to write my own notes and forge my parents signature). When on holiday in Alice Springs, the rest of my tour group swam across a very wide gorge; I decided to dog-paddle and midway through the gorge I started to drown. Other members of the group came to my rescue .... VERY humiliating. Who would ever think that having a small penis would cause me to nearly drown!
Q5: Comment: I'm not very big in size at around 5 1/2 inches in length when erect, but also it's not small. I've been with a few girls and everyone of them said my penis was average in size. In fact, two girls said that they had their best sex with me. Those two girls went with a lot of men that were very small, small, average, big and huge. Each one of those girls stated that they prefer a guy my size when compared to a guy that's big or huge because they say that often times sex hurts with a big or huge guy. You see its only the first 2 inches of a women's vagina that matters because that's where the G-Spot is located and in fact a man that is the size of his pinky finger can indeed pleasure a women. Most women told me that they prefer a man that fingers them than actual intercourse. At first I didn't believe them, but they mentioned to me that its only the first 2 inches of a women's vagina that matters and with your finger you can control around those 2 inches better than a penis could. Therefore, every women that I know with the odd exception tells me that size doesn't matter and that's a proven fact. I went to several doctors and Urologists and everyone of them tell me that I'm around the same size as most men, except for the odd man being either very big or very small. They all told me that majority men fall within 5-6 inches when erect and that's not fiction but fact because Urologist do studies on the penis. Did you know that the average women's vagina is not that deep, and you don't have to be 7 inches or bigger to satisfy your lover?
A: The following is an portion of an article I found interesting by Steven Gange, M.D., which is located at: http://my.webmd.com/content/dmk/dmk_article_6462836 I thought it was interesting because the average penis size reported by medical science is significantly smaller than the average size reported by other surveys. "...Men in general have a distorted view of what's normal for penile size. The fact is, "average" was not defined until recently. A study published in the September 1996 Journal of Urology concluded that average flaccid penile length was 8.8 cm (3 1/2 inches), and average erect length was 12.8 cm (5 inches). Also, according to many women's magazine surveys, "size doesn't matter." But many men remain fixated on the ideal of the 8 to 10 inch penis. "Some men don't even realize what they have. For example, obese men develop a suprapubic fat pad that conceals the penis, making it look shorter. Pressing firmly on this fatty tissue reveals the true penile length. I often explain this to patients, but a man who is convinced his penis is too small is hard to convince otherwise..."
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